How to handle a teen's stress

[prl49]

My 16 yr old son, and my husband and I are scheduled for an intake session with a counselor 10 days from now. He asked to see a counselor after panic attacks, and feeling overwhelming stress after minor disappointments.
My question is what to do while we wait for counseling. He's so upset when he feels the overwhelming stress. He has difficulty concentrating. He's a sophmore in HS and he's got to get through the next 10 days as best he can. What can we do to help for now?
Thanks.

[Mike Bradley]

Dear Mom,
Your instincts are correct. It's risky to ask your son to feel this way for at least ten days.
Call your family doc/pediatrician immediately and ask what medications she/he might be willing to suggest to give your son some relief until the shrink can sort things out. SSRI's (selective serotonin reuptake inhibitors) such as Paxil or Zoloft can help. Even over-the-counter Benedryl can take a bit of the edge off of that fear (as long as he's not driving). Understand that panic attacks are not just "worries". They are overwhelming feelings that you are literally going to die! Not something you want a teen wrestling with very long.
Beyond all else, stay supportive and patient with him. IT IS CRITICAL that he can continue to share his scary, embarrassing, "crazy" fears with you. Get him to talk as much as he can without trying to "fix" him by telling him reassuring things. Think of his fears as poisoned food that you want him to vomit out, not keep inside. Only reassure after he stops "throwing up".
Good luck and keep us all posted.
Mike Bradley

[prl49]

Dear Dr. Mike,
Your perspective will help us better deal with our son's anxieties.
The analogy of food poisoning helps me understand what's happening. A mom's instinct is to treat his hurt like a bruised knee. We try to fix it first so it doesn't hurt. I will listen and let him release the bad stuff before I bring in the first aid.

Thanks so much for your quick response. I will keep you posted.
Mom

[prl49]

Hello again!
It's a year later. It's been a journey. Not always easy but going in the right direction now. The therapist we took him to was not a good match at all. We had 3 sessions and we were sent packing. We were given a name of a workbook and were told we didn't discipline him enough. Bad move.
Eight months later he's really depressed, not functioning well. For his privacy I will not go into specifics. Anyway, the school psychologist gave us some referrels. I picked up your book and read the chapter on finding help. I wish I read it the first time. I interviewed 3 therapists and discribed them to my son. We chose one we thought would most likely be a good match.
It has turned out well. They hit it off immediately! He was doing much better after the first session. He saw the therapist often in the beginning and now goes once a month. There are still struggles for him. The difference is he has learned to deal with it in healthy way.
The sessions are our son with the therapist. Our son can invite us in if he wants to. He is the one in control. We have not been invited by him. He's been doing well so I feel we shouldn't interfere. It's hard because I'm curious. My smarter self says wait until he's ready (or not). He also, doesn't talk about it much. Again I know I should just wait until he wants to talk. Are my instincts correct? It's not easy to follow them. Any advice?

[Mike Bradley]

Dear Mom,
Yes, I'm afraid that your instincts are correct once again. If your kid is doing OK, let it be, with a caveat. Let him know that you love him like crazy, and that whenever he's ready, you would love to know more about what's going on with him. But let him know that part of your love is to give him the space he wants.
If he declines to involve you in the therapy process, then focus on other links to his heart, like coffee breaks and late night chats. It sounds as if you guys are in a good place. Be thankful for that, pat yourself on the back for having done a good job, and enjoy your son.
Be well, and thanks for the update.

[prl49]

Dear Doc Bradley,
You have been a great help. Thank you so much. Your book has been such a revelation and I've shared it with all my friends that have and love their crazy teens. I even bought and shipped out a couple of copies.
Thanks for sharing what you know and your kindness. I will do my best to follow it through and pass it on.
Take care,
PRL