momofdiabetic
04-25-2003, 10:12 PM
Dear Dr. Bradley:
When I talk to my teenage son, he frequently hears insult, criticism or anger. He has always been sensitive to criticism and can't tolerate any amount of teasing.
Because of the frequent misunderstandings, I talk less and less to him, and try to stick to mundane, harmless subjects. I pick my tone and words carefully, especially if it might be a sensitive topic, (but sometimes I don't know until it is too late.)
His sensitivity to what I say often leaves me baffled. He hears insult, criticism or anger when none was intended, implied or felt. (I think he is like this as well with peers and teachers. And people's clumsy or accidental actions he also misinterprets and responds disproportionately.)
On the other hand, I am an imperfect person, and I don't always speak in the most pleasant and gently ways. If I raise my voice, or talk firmly and seriously, or with annoyance or irritation he can't handle it. If I express a strong opinion about something, even to someone else and he hears it, it bothers him. If I'm angry, upset or annoyed about something else, in his presence, it bothers him.
He spoke one day of being very fragile inside, that what I said and did had a strong influence on him even though he didn't want it to. (I don't think I could be considered an overbearing parent by any stretch of the imagination.) He seems to be in a lot of pain about this and expressed himself quite passionately. on such occasions, he will cry and then feel some kind of negative emotion about crying when he thinks he shouldn't, which makes him more upset. I think the crying is perhaps self pity, or maybe just his way of handling his overwhelming emotions. He doesn't know, but it bothers him alot.
any ideas what is going on?
When I talk to my teenage son, he frequently hears insult, criticism or anger. He has always been sensitive to criticism and can't tolerate any amount of teasing.
Because of the frequent misunderstandings, I talk less and less to him, and try to stick to mundane, harmless subjects. I pick my tone and words carefully, especially if it might be a sensitive topic, (but sometimes I don't know until it is too late.)
His sensitivity to what I say often leaves me baffled. He hears insult, criticism or anger when none was intended, implied or felt. (I think he is like this as well with peers and teachers. And people's clumsy or accidental actions he also misinterprets and responds disproportionately.)
On the other hand, I am an imperfect person, and I don't always speak in the most pleasant and gently ways. If I raise my voice, or talk firmly and seriously, or with annoyance or irritation he can't handle it. If I express a strong opinion about something, even to someone else and he hears it, it bothers him. If I'm angry, upset or annoyed about something else, in his presence, it bothers him.
He spoke one day of being very fragile inside, that what I said and did had a strong influence on him even though he didn't want it to. (I don't think I could be considered an overbearing parent by any stretch of the imagination.) He seems to be in a lot of pain about this and expressed himself quite passionately. on such occasions, he will cry and then feel some kind of negative emotion about crying when he thinks he shouldn't, which makes him more upset. I think the crying is perhaps self pity, or maybe just his way of handling his overwhelming emotions. He doesn't know, but it bothers him alot.
any ideas what is going on?