divorce

[leslie press]

I am considering divorce, I very much want to, but am very afraid of what this might do to my 15 year old daughter, who has had many problems making friends, was cutting herself, is now homeschooled and recently started trying drugs, hangs out with kids who I am not happy about. She was always a very good girl until she started acting out in 8th grade not fitting in. She is adopted and has always had a hard time feeling like she belongs. She is really a beautiful child, very appreciative of things, very talented and bright, but gets depressed and moody easily. She did talk about suicide in 8th grade, but went to counseling for a year and then a group therapy for about 6 weeks. She did not want to continue with it, but I think that she still needs therapy, so we are going to try another group starting next week. I am very unhappy in my marriage and she probably feels it. I am torn and very anxious as to what to do. I love her dearly and do not want to hurt her, but I am also hurting and torn. What can I do to get through this, if I should stay with my marriage for her? I have also gone for therapy, but it really hasn't changed my mind. I have gone with my husband and I still feel the same way. Life is passing by and I don't know what to do. Can anyone suggest something?

[Carlene]

You don't say much about your reasons for wanting our of your marriage, so it's hard to give you advice on that front. But...if you really want to be a good role model for your daughter and are determined to divorce your husband, you've got to talk to her about your reasons. (I assume your husband already knows you'r eheaded this way?)

Marriage truly is sacred, and I think eternal vows are meant to be just that. But...if things are really so awful for you and your not just wanting out for selfish reasons, your daughter should respect that. If you take the time to explain it to her and make sure she knows you're still going to be her Mom even though you can't stay married to Dad.

Try to do it in a way that show her that you are respecting your needs as well as hers.