How to let go???

[imustbeinsane]

It is with a heavy heart that I ask your advice about my 18 year old son. Yes, I said 18. Chad is a senior in high school, attending college in the fall. For all intents and purposes, he's a great kid. However, I find myself in the power struggle of my life, not because I want to control his life, I am just terrified that he'll fall prey to the dangers this age can bring.

Now for specifics.

A few weeks ago when he was with girlfriend "A" I found a condom in his pocket. I, of course, freaked...even though I am so proud that he was smart enough to be thinking about protection. Girlfriend A had broken his heart once and I was sad that they may be having sex, but in the end, accepted that it was a possibility.

Then he and girlfriend A broke up. That was 10 days ago. I was so happy. Chad could finish his senior year and look forward to college in the fall without any serious commitments.

Say hello to Girlfriend "B".

Two days after GF "A" breakup, he begins to spend time with "B". My husband and I had a chance to spend time with her and I admit that I wasn't impressed. I'm certain my judgment is clouded, so I didn't disclose how I feel to my son.

It should be mentioned that I have felt my son pulling away from me, and I realize this is a whole separate issue.

So...last night, I muster up all of my "good mommy" personality and, instead of making him stay home with us and some friends that were here for the weekend, I told him he could go to GF "B"'s house. At 10:00 he came storming in headed right for the bathroom. Odd...but then again, I'm paranoid. Awhile later, as I was watching him drink some juice, I noticed the BIGGEST, FATTEST, HICKEY I had ever seen. Now, I feel like I'm back to square one. Her parents were home, and allowed them in her room...ON HER BED...(Can I remind you they met 10 days ago??)

I don't want to be this freak of an uptight prude, but I can't shake the feeling that my son will ultimately be disappointed in himself.

So, back to my original question...how do I let go???

[Mike Bradley]

Dear Mom,
There are two parts to your sad questions. I might say that I have some bad news and some good.
The bad news is that it is a different world out there sexually, and your son is in the midst of the learning curve. I'm sorry, but the fact is that if a female will offer herself for casual sex, most males will oblige. What's new is the fact that so many more girls are offering to engage in casual (and party) sex. The boys (physical-sexual creatures) are typically not emotionally or psychologically harmed by this, but most experts agree that the girls (emotional-sexual beings) ARE significantly damaged by these new "values" (or lack thereof). The question for your son is, what does this behavior do to boys and girls long-term sexual standards and identity?
The answer is your good news. The loss you are feeling is your son experimenting with values likely different from your own. Yes, there is some distance now, but understand that he has learned a lot by watching you, and now he is experimenting to find out who he is. The key for you is to hold fast to your values, and softly offer them when an opportunity presents itself (i.e. "Son, do you think girls are really OK with casual sex? Perhaps they're different from guys, regardless of what they say? No? Maybe you're right, but---what if you're not? Might you be hurting these girls---just for some sex? OK---I'll shut up. Thanks for listening.")
The good news is that if you DISPASSIONATELY offer your values like that, the odds are great that your son will come back to you, wiser and much more impressed with his mother's wisdom as well.
Hang in there!