Mike Bradley
10-09-2001, 06:51 PM
Dear Paul T.
I wanted to write back to you about your single parent situation with your daughter (readers, see Paul's letter under parenting issues). First, please don't feel quite so helpless as a dad to a teen girl. You have no idea how critical you are to helping her learn good things about men that will help her make wise relationship choices. Yes, she will pull away from you and refuse to talk about sex, but so does my 11 year old son! That's just normal in these days where kids think they've heard it all. They have not heard the most critical sex talks, those dealing with the emotionality of sex, and how sex is so different for girls than for boys. Paul, you've got lots of life wisdom to offer, so start talking. Short mini-talks work best. Assure your daughter that she needn't say a thing, but to just please listen for 2 minutes. Talk from your heart about your hopes and fears for her, and about your experiences. Her eyes will roll but she'll be listening and you can model the art of discussing difficult topics for her.
Second, it would be nice if she had a same sex role model also. Is there an aunt/cousin/neighbor around who could spend some "fun" time (concerts, clothes buying expeditions)? How about a school mentor? Perhaps pose the question to the school counselor to see what's out there. Whatever you do, DON'T PULL BACK because you're a male and she's not! You are much more important than you think.
Other readers: Any thoughts for Paul? Thanks!
I wanted to write back to you about your single parent situation with your daughter (readers, see Paul's letter under parenting issues). First, please don't feel quite so helpless as a dad to a teen girl. You have no idea how critical you are to helping her learn good things about men that will help her make wise relationship choices. Yes, she will pull away from you and refuse to talk about sex, but so does my 11 year old son! That's just normal in these days where kids think they've heard it all. They have not heard the most critical sex talks, those dealing with the emotionality of sex, and how sex is so different for girls than for boys. Paul, you've got lots of life wisdom to offer, so start talking. Short mini-talks work best. Assure your daughter that she needn't say a thing, but to just please listen for 2 minutes. Talk from your heart about your hopes and fears for her, and about your experiences. Her eyes will roll but she'll be listening and you can model the art of discussing difficult topics for her.
Second, it would be nice if she had a same sex role model also. Is there an aunt/cousin/neighbor around who could spend some "fun" time (concerts, clothes buying expeditions)? How about a school mentor? Perhaps pose the question to the school counselor to see what's out there. Whatever you do, DON'T PULL BACK because you're a male and she's not! You are much more important than you think.
Other readers: Any thoughts for Paul? Thanks!