Co-ed parties at 14 too early?

[Wyoming]

Dr Mike;

My 13, soon to be 14 year old son would like to have a co-ed teen birthday party. His older brother just turned 15 and had his first co-ed teen birthday party. For the good of the 13 year old's self actualization, I 'm not allowing him to have a co-ed teen party yet. I feel that only being with his male friends as much as possible, while he's still young, is extremely important. I'm doing my best to resist his manipulations, but need some more validation of my decision.

Thanks,

Wondering in Wyoming

[Mike Bradley]

Dear Wondering,
Please pardon my late reply, and I hope it arrives before your son's sleepover. I am not a fan of teen co-ed sleepovers at any age. Sorry to sound like a dinosaur, but I've sat and listened to too many stories of innocent co-ed parties gone wrong. Teens are sexually impulsive to begin with, so why add the "spice" of sleeping next to the opposite sex? Beyond that, both boys and girls alter their behaviors often in negative ways when hanging out in unsupervised co-ed settings. Boys tend to show off and girls tend to become submissive. Same sex settings for teens help kids to develop identity more fully. In short, I think the benefits of co-ed sleeps (as argued by folks who say these help "normalize" boy/girl relationships) are far outweighed by the risks. Hang in there, mom. Your instincts are correct.
Welcome to the dinosaur club!
Mike Bradley

[MLL]

Count me in the Dino club. It is good to hear there are others. When my son called insisting on staying over with 2 girls (all age 13) I told him he had to sleep at home, that I would leave as early as he wanted in the morning to take him back. But felt that they are too old for this. Funny to tell them they are to OLD for something. What was hard for me was discussing this with a friend with a daugher that age, who asked her mom if she could host an overnight. My friend agreed ( it is a slightly less wild crowd) saying that she had perfect trust in all the kids. I still was thinking I wasn't comfortable with it and was glad that my son didn't happen to be around that night. I think my friends and I use each other's reactions to orient ourselves. We know whos a bit more layback, who doesn't allow more than a minimum of TV etc. So hearing this from a friend who I considered as conservative as I think I am, really made me re-think it. I didn't change my mind but I was really aware of another reason we share all our issues with each other..... ( aside from needing the occasional pat on the back, or hug :)