13 year old son leaving clues

[Laenden]

Dear Dr. Bradley,

My 13 year old son was diagnosed with major depression last winter. He is taking Prozac, which seemed to help a little, but he was still frequently refusing to go to school till the end of the year. Now that it's summer, he's made friends with an 18-year-old in the neighborhood. I have found: pot, an almost empty bottle of Nyquil (10% alchohol), a cocaine spoon, a wadded up piece of foil full of pin holes (marijuana screen? Not used), and a condom (also not used -- whew!) in his room. I knew he was smoking cigarettes and found the pot in his jeans pocket one morning when I went looking for my lighter (I know, I know, I should quit smoking myself -- have tried several times lately). The cocaine spoon was out in the open on his desk, as was the wadded up bit of foil. I snooped a bit for the rest, but under the circumstances, a little snooping seems warranted.

My son is seeing a psychologist and was seeing a behavioral pediatrician, who prescribed the prozac. I am switching him to a different behavioral practice because the first one started reminding me more and more of my mother, who has Narcissistic Personality Disorder (an official diagnosis). My husband and the psychologist know about the pot, and I'll discuss the other findings with the psychologist at our appointment tomorrow. However, I hesitate to talk to my husband, who also has Narcissistic Personality Disorder (not an official diagnosis, but I'd bet my life on it).

I'm not even sure what I'm asking, but so far, I don't feel like the professionals are helping much. My son was outraged when I pointed out the spoon, pretended he hadn't known what it was and he 'just found it' on his bedroom floor. I need to get this 18-year-old away from my kids (he's also friends with my 15-year-old daughter), but I'm not sure how to handle it without driving everything underground. Also, my son and daughter stay up virtually all night; I just can't stay awake to supervise all night every night, and I don't know what to do. Any thoughts at all would be welcome. Thanks!!!

[Mike Bradley]

Dear Mom,
Trust that "I have to do something" feeling. Your kid is at risk and you must act. Here are the issues. First, the last drug a depressed kid needs is weed, which is actually a bio-chemical depressant (contrary to the myth); Second, marijuana (and alcohol) will negate the beneficial effects of his Prozac; Third, the cocaine he might be using can be wildly addictive and could trigger serious behavioral reactions; Finally, know that addictive drugs whack teen brains in ways that they don't with adults. For example, kids who start drinking at age 14 have FIVE TIMES the rate of addiction than folks who start drinking at age 21. This is because adolescent brains are "soft" and react much more powerfully to these substances.
So what to do? In your counseling session calmly, lovingly and firmly tell your son that you will be drug testing him randomly, and that his privileges will rest on his having clean tests. Second, tell him that he will have no contact with the 18 year old. If he refuses, say that you will then be calling that kid's parents to tell them what has been happening, and that you will call the police if you discover that the 18 year-old has been providing these drugs.
When your son goes nuts, quietly explain one time that these drugs can hurt him terribly, and that you love him far too much to allow this. Then ask the therapist to guide you through this process.
This is "game time" Mom. Stay tough and cool.
Keep us posted.

[Laenden]

Dear Dr. Bradley,

Thank you! My son refused to go to counseling today, which was actually a blessing as I went alone and was able to discuss some things regarding our family that I hadn't been able to with my son present. The upshot was that we will start family therapy with a focus on how my husband and I can get on the same page in terms of discipline. Something I said also suggested to the therapist that my son might have a frequently unrecognized learning disability. I read over the literature, and it's ringing lots of bells. We will definitely get testing done for this.

Oh, and my son agreed to go to therapy in the future when he discovered that it was that or don't go anywhere.

Thanks for your help!

Laenden

[teenmom2111]

Laenden

I would like to weigh in here and agree with Dr. Bradley and say that you have got to get on top of this immediately. My 15 yr old daughter was experimenting with marijuana. Experimenting led to almost daily use because she was miserable at school. She was never high when she came home from school and hid it very well. When her academics began to suffer, I began to suspect more and started searching her backpack and her bedroom. I found marijuana. I brought it up with her therapist and she then admitted she was using frequently. Next I found over the counter cold medicine packets empty in her room. I came to find out she was using daily--take 8 and sometimes 16 pills each day. I am here to tell you that if you do not get on it NOW, things will get worse. There is so much information available to kids nowadays both on the internet and through their friends. There are all sorts of ways for them to use with prescription drugs that kids steal from their parents and over the counter cough medicine, and cold remedies. Educate yourself. Go online and read up. Lastly, I put my daughter in the Phoenix House Teen Recovery Program. It is a 3 times per week program, 2 teen groups for 1.5 hrs per week totaling 3 hours and 1 multi family group with the teenagers and their parents. She has been in the program since late April and it has helped a lot. The kids are randomly drug tested and they learn skills that teach them how to avoid using. It's not a hardcore program, but it's been really great. I strongly encourage you to do something now before it is too far gone.

Good Luck!