16yr Old Rage

[bevelbee]

When my 16yr old becomes angry, the rage builds up to a point where it seems there is a demon inside of him. He is irrational, hyperventilates, looks like he is going to explode. In your book, Yes your teen is crazy, you liken this state to an epileptic fit which has to take its course. In a public situation, it is very difficult to allow the rage to take its course. Are there tools to deal with a person when they reach this stage of being unable to be reached? Is there a possibility of violence - in my son's case, he is able to remove himself, but I feel he then becomes a danger to himself.

[Mike Bradley]

Dear Parent,
First, it would be best to chat directly with a therapist to get the best answer about what might be going on with your son to insure that there is nothing else going on that bears treatment. If the rages are only occasional, then they likely are normal and will pass without any violence.
The best response is to simply withdraw immediately, whether i private or public. You need to give his brain a strong message that raging gets him nothing in return---not your pleading, sympathy or anger---just NOTHING!
After he's calm, then do the talking thing about how to stop that from ever happening again.
Keep us posted.

[bevelbee]

Back again...things calmed down for a while, but two weeks ago we had an incident which should have been lighthearted and funny, where my son's car was 'decorated' with toilet paper, plastic wrap etc. by a group of his friends. He went totally beserk, grabbed his fencing sword and ran off in a rage to teach these boys a lesson. He was fortunately stopped by the parent from causing any harm. I followed in my car and when I tried to get him into the car, he started shouting at me and I realized I did not know who this enraged, crazy person was - he swore at me with absolute venom and needless to say, I couldn't get him into the car. He finally arrived home and my husband and I confronted him. He threw his cell phone on the floor, punched walls, punched chairs and eventually exhausted himself. He has lost a number of friends over this incident, but we think that he is feeling remorseful and embarrassed. My questions to you are:- how do we convince him that he needs help to deal with his rages/anger? He has been seeing a psychologist for a number of years to deal with other issues. Is there a real possibility that he may harm someone? When he is in the throws of his rage, he seems to not be present. He has asked me to stop trying to find solutions whilst he is experiencing this rage. Any assistance you can offer would be most appreciated.

[Mike Bradley]

Dear Parent,
It is time to sit down in a family session with your kid's shrink to talk this out. That episode you describe is over the edge and potentially dangerous. Tap into his remorse and embarrassment softly by asking, "If you had it to do over again, how do you wish you could have handled that situation?" Then suggest that you all sit down in a session to look at these behaviors.
It is possible that your kid needs a medication along with the counseling to get a handle on his rage. If that is recommended and your son balks, try to explain that the med doesn’t change who he is but rather allows him more choices of whom we wishes to be.
Please keep us posted.