TornMom
08-04-2007, 04:41 PM
My daughter is in the middle of her dad's midlife crisis, his affair and her own 15-year old teenaged angst. She had so many changes and no peer who could commiserate without drugs, sex and acting out at her new school. Enter... her friend from her old high school. I just wanted to say that this 16-year old girl alone has been better therapy for my daughter than any counsellor she has visited. She has done more to make my daughter open up, to laugh and to think about everything else a teenager should, ie. her own life and future, not her parents'. Since I first knew this girlfriend, she has grown up a lot. She is academically strong, active in sports, cycles to all her sports activities, has taken a few part-time jobs and is aiming to graduate high school next year, then proceed to junior college for sciences. She doesn't have a boyfriend, nor is she obsessed about whether she does or not. I think she shows maturity well beyond her age.
This girl has provided a much-needed neutral third party to listen. My daughter has been living at our family home with her dad and has only been hearing her father's justifications and the same arguments from his co-conspirators, her aunt and uncle who introduced her dad to his affair partner. I've kept quiet on this, staying at my own flat, because I understood that a child should never be forced by either parent to take sides. It's a killer for me to do this, but I am doing it for her sake.
As I eavesdropped on the girls' conversation while driving them around yesterday, I was relieved to learn that this girl has her values and priorities in the right place. It seemed to me that she is reminding my daughter of her own core values. I am hoping that the girl will help my daughter to get the strength to stand up for what she knows is right and not compromise herself out of fear of her father's wishes or losing his love. This is what positive peer pressure is!
This girl has provided a much-needed neutral third party to listen. My daughter has been living at our family home with her dad and has only been hearing her father's justifications and the same arguments from his co-conspirators, her aunt and uncle who introduced her dad to his affair partner. I've kept quiet on this, staying at my own flat, because I understood that a child should never be forced by either parent to take sides. It's a killer for me to do this, but I am doing it for her sake.
As I eavesdropped on the girls' conversation while driving them around yesterday, I was relieved to learn that this girl has her values and priorities in the right place. It seemed to me that she is reminding my daughter of her own core values. I am hoping that the girl will help my daughter to get the strength to stand up for what she knows is right and not compromise herself out of fear of her father's wishes or losing his love. This is what positive peer pressure is!