juliecinci
09-29-2003, 03:15 PM
Dr. Bradley,
Right now I'm trying to piece together whether my 16 yos might be dealing with mild depression. Mostly on the outside, he's good natured, extremely generous and happy at home. He has a great relationship with both me and my husband. But he struggles with making friends in ihs peer group. When he was young (between ages 4-9) we lived in a neighborhood where he was consistently bullied by older boys. We did what we could to try to protect him from these kids, but the bullying was only periodic and sometimes these kids included him in games like capture the flag or tag without incident. So I regret now that we perhaps didn't take the incidents when it did occur more seriously.
Unfortunately we are now finding out the extent to which this season in his life has impacted his level of confidence in friendship building. He's been the target of bullying on his sport's team, he's made two "best" friends that turned out to be verbal abusers and for two years had virtually no friends as a result (fearful of that happening again). In the last year, he's begun to make friends but it's slow going.
Still, what's happening now is that he is a part of a group who eats lunch together, but he has no confidence to pursue the friendships outside school. He dated a girl that he met last summer but they just broke up and he says he didn't see it coming at all. He described how he feels socially like this: Everyone else got the memo but me. He also says that he often feels "lost" in life—like he doesn't really know what other people seem to know how to do naturally (chat, set up times to go out for hamburgers, initiate relationships, when to back off if someone is not interested, etc.)
The breaking point came this past weekend when he broke down in tears at home with me and shared that he just doesn't feel like it will ever get better, that he won't ever know how to have a good friend. He said that he tries to ignore the feelings to make them go away but occasionally they break through and he loses motivation and feels, well, lost.
So is this depression? Is this some kind of post traumatic stress disorder? Would therapy be enough? He asked if he could see a counselor since he said that he feels he just needs to talk to someone who can help him learn how to handle his social life.
Any suggestions? Do we need to see an MD first or is a therapist enough? Or is there a book he can read or something we can do for him?
Thanks for your book, too. It's been such a source of strength and wisdom to our family. :)
Julie
Right now I'm trying to piece together whether my 16 yos might be dealing with mild depression. Mostly on the outside, he's good natured, extremely generous and happy at home. He has a great relationship with both me and my husband. But he struggles with making friends in ihs peer group. When he was young (between ages 4-9) we lived in a neighborhood where he was consistently bullied by older boys. We did what we could to try to protect him from these kids, but the bullying was only periodic and sometimes these kids included him in games like capture the flag or tag without incident. So I regret now that we perhaps didn't take the incidents when it did occur more seriously.
Unfortunately we are now finding out the extent to which this season in his life has impacted his level of confidence in friendship building. He's been the target of bullying on his sport's team, he's made two "best" friends that turned out to be verbal abusers and for two years had virtually no friends as a result (fearful of that happening again). In the last year, he's begun to make friends but it's slow going.
Still, what's happening now is that he is a part of a group who eats lunch together, but he has no confidence to pursue the friendships outside school. He dated a girl that he met last summer but they just broke up and he says he didn't see it coming at all. He described how he feels socially like this: Everyone else got the memo but me. He also says that he often feels "lost" in life—like he doesn't really know what other people seem to know how to do naturally (chat, set up times to go out for hamburgers, initiate relationships, when to back off if someone is not interested, etc.)
The breaking point came this past weekend when he broke down in tears at home with me and shared that he just doesn't feel like it will ever get better, that he won't ever know how to have a good friend. He said that he tries to ignore the feelings to make them go away but occasionally they break through and he loses motivation and feels, well, lost.
So is this depression? Is this some kind of post traumatic stress disorder? Would therapy be enough? He asked if he could see a counselor since he said that he feels he just needs to talk to someone who can help him learn how to handle his social life.
Any suggestions? Do we need to see an MD first or is a therapist enough? Or is there a book he can read or something we can do for him?
Thanks for your book, too. It's been such a source of strength and wisdom to our family. :)
Julie