17 year old son has run away

[Praying4Peace]

Kyle had seen a counselor recently because he and I (his mom) just cannot seem to communicate at all. Kyle has always had trouble looking at anyone when he speaks to them. He has gone from A's in Jr. High, to not wanting to do any school work at all. His counselor and I worked very hard this year to get him all the classes he wanted, and he told me his schedule was "awesome". After last week's trip to the counselor, who kinda called him on always cutting off my sentences and being generally rude, he spoke with him alone for a time, then Kyle bolted out of the office past me. He will not go back. Two days after the session, he went into a rage episode at home because I would not give him $800. This is the amount he has paid on his car to date and since he quit his part time job, and told us he did not want the responsibility of the car right now, we parked it at my sister's house, so he would not have to look at it, because that enraged him also. He had told the counselor that I would not negotiate getting his car back, which was not true; I told him when he had some part time job again, and could pay for part of the insurance and his car payment, he could have the car back. Which I dread anyway, because he just does not EVER check in at the 6pm check-in time, I swear he is physically/mentally unable to watch a clock. After I calmly told him that I had paid $400 for a new back window he had smashed in with his backpack, and new $90 shoes and a new cell phone that he had left out at a friend's and the dog chewed up so I repaid for both, plus a smashed in door at our house, there might not be much left of his $800, he went into the rage and hit about everything in the house, and left. That was last Thursday. I called around Friday morning and found out where he is staying and have talked to the dad there, who says Kyle can stay for up to a few weeks if necessary. He has made it to school with his friend, but the vice principal called me today, and wants me to come in to discuss alternate educational residential facilities, like a military type boarding school. Ugh. I hate to think he is that far gone. I had him to the Dr. and his tests are all normal (blood tests etc) and he did a total drug screen, unbeknownst to Kyle, and the whole battery came back clean, which is what my daughter and his counselor said would happen. He came back Saturday for all his clothes. He called me last night demanding I take him to an expensive clothing store and when I calmly told him we needed to talk about him moving home first, he unleashed every name he could find, then hung up and has been continuing via texting me. He is absolutely nuts, and shrieking at me about money and clothes. He has this real insecurity if he does not have money with him. Sorry so long, but it felt good. Have read the whole book, but he is a weekend warrior who is stretching it out and is so full of hate for me. I am numb. His older brother put us through 4 years of drug addiction; he is now 5 months clean, and working in another state near Kyle's dad. That's another thing, his dad left us years ago, and 2 years ago moved out of state, then my other son went this year to get away from the drug friends here. Kyle probably feels abandoned, and I have probably overcompensated with things for his losses. He seems to always tell me, not ask me, demand things from me, not request them. It has been a bit of a break to not have his sullen face at home, not doing any homework, but angry as hell at you if you ask him about it, or to do the smallest chore....what do I do next?:confused:

[Mike Bradley]

Dear Parent,
For now, just let things soak. If your son is in a safe place, this is a great opportunity for you guys to calm down, heal up, and reflect. Send "Love you" messages daily, and ask to talk as soon as he is willing, but only talk for as long as the conversation stays non-abusive.
Visit with the counselor to get his take on things, especially about the school placement need. Be very wary of a military type school. Boot camps are great for training soldiers, not for raising children.
After a few days ask to meet him in a coffee shop to talk about his plans (these venues work great to control behavior). If he wants to come home, be sure that a requirement is for joint counseling for the two of you. But do not beg him to come back. Be sure that he begins to see that being part of a family means making commitments to things like respectful behavior. If he can’t agree to that, then let him decide what his next step should be, and wish him luck. He’s nearly a legal adult now, so it might be helpful for him to get a taste of how that world works.
Keep us posted.

[Praying4Peace]

Hello,

Kyle is now in a behavioral health hospital for the past 3 days. We withdrew him from school on Monday, since he never went anyway, and he agreed that he would look for a job, and go back next semester. I told him that he was probably not allowed to walk across the street to the high school and visit. He said, ya I know, then I got a call that he was on campus, cuffed by the police and being referred to Juvi for disorderly conduct. He had been cussing out the police officer. Two of his friends called me the night before to tell me Kyle has gotten into drugs the 3 weeks he'd been run away. He told me today that he has now done marijuana and cocaine, but that it's not a big deal, because he sells more than he does the drugs himself. Okay, they are without a doubt, certifiably insane.....He also took his razor blade and cut the word "serene" into his forearm. I picked him up from school, and drove him straight to the hospital adolescent ward. Now he is cussing me out for tricking him into the "jail", even though his Dr. and caseworker say he is doing incredibly well. Then, today, we all had a staffing, and he became belligerent with them also. He is back in gown and on suicide watch. They tell me our insurance is stingy, and he may be released tomorrow...and then where do I put him all day while I have to go to work? Let him at home alone all day, not a chance...he wonders why this is a problem for me....He was taking Lexapro for about a week when all this happened, and the hospital has stopped that and put him on 1000mg. of Depakote. They feel he has a Mood Disorder, not just the depression, but do not feel he is bipolar....

[Mike Bradley]

You might want to keep an eye on the bipolar possibility since manic outbursts can be brought on by giving an SSRI (such as Lexapro) to a kid with bipolar disorder. The Depakote is a good option in either diagnosis.
If they send him home, you might find that the new med gives you a new (as in calm) kid since it certainly does sound as if he's been struggling with a mood disorder. But be sure to stay close to the psychiatrist since they often have to "play" with the dosage until they get the right mix for your son.
Keep us posted.

[Praying4Peace]

Well, this morning about 1:30am, I realized Kyle was not in his room, or anywhere at home. Evidently he has been sneaking out and spending nights with one or two friends, mostly one, a girl. He was outraged that I called her cell phone and left a message, and showed up a few hours later. I was so calm again, I've really got that down now, but I think part of it is just numbness. He got very upset, sent a glass of ice across the family room, stormed out into the gargage and got something to slice up his arm with, and showing me the results. I talked him into putting on a shirt, woke my husband, and thought we should go to the ER for some stitches. My husband didn't think so, so I found a very large pad and bandaged him up as best I could. My husband is with him today, because I am scared to leave him alone. He had a counseling appt. Monday that he cut short and would not talk during. How long does Depakote take to work, so this kid is calm?? It's been 2 weeks now.... he's on 1250mg. I watch him take it with a full glass of water. He was saying it made him groggy and feel stoned, but he hasn't mentioned that for a few days now.....