so many issues, so little time

[nell]

IDK where to start, 16 , almost 17 yr old son is smoking pot everyday. He's very up front about it now, we have been dealing with this for the last 8 months. I read the book a few years back and have pulled it out again to re read. We are in therapy again, which is good, he really like the therapist we have and hopefully this will help. I had Mat very young, freshman yr of college, which I finished while taking care of him as best I could at 18,19,20 yrs of age. His father and I were never married, best decision of my life, his father started out with a cocaine addiction in high school and progressed on to meth now, he 38 now, we have had little contact with him since Mat was 2 yrs old, Mat is aware of his fathers addictions and arrests. It is very hard for me to put my thoughts into words, I have worked so hard to kep him away from that world and now he chooses it? I keep hearing him give me all of these reasons why he's doing it and its like deja vu. I keep thinking is personality genetic? How can a child who has never been around his father be just like him in his mannerisms, the way he walks, the phrases that come out of his mouth...I have repeatedly apologized to this child for my decision to choose his father so carelessly..

He was recently put on Prozac for depression, he has a brain tumor that we have been dealing with for 5 years which consists of 2 surgeries lots of PT, he is currently doing well and uses that as a reason to party with his friends...IDK what I expect to happen, I really consider this a permanent state and not a phase.. IDK what else to do..just wait and pray I guess..sorry for the rant

[Mike Bradley]

Dear Nell,
Feel free to rant---that's a stomach-tightening picture you paint of your son. Yes, certain aspects of personality are genetically based, but much is not. For example, a tendency towards addiction (pre-disposition) can be handed down. But some "gifts" can be refused, and active addiction is one of them.
That's why it is CRITICAL that you do not get lulled into thinking this is the way things have to be for your son. DON"T DO THAT. You must continue to say that drug use (and yes, cannabis is a highly addictive drug particularly for some kids) is NEVER OK, and you must do everything you can to stop it. Among many other excellent reasons, his medicine will not work if he uses weed, and over time, cannabis works as a bio-chemical DEPRESSANT, not an anti-depressant.
You are likely the only hope your kid has to avoid life-long addiction. Work closely with your counselor to fight that, and be sure that your counselor is not OK with the weed use as well. Setting non-drug use expectations for kids is a great way to help them become sober. Being passive about weed is a great way to move a pre-disposition to a flown blown, life-destroying addiction.
Please keep us posted.