welcome to the my ugly truth

[nell]

In six weeks of school, my son has been suspended twice, has multiple truants, tardies, 5 in school suspensions (which he has served only 1), 13 lunch dententions, failing most of his classes....and I am tired. Saturday in the mail came the letter regarding his 2nd suspension, after a week of him attending school only 2 days, the other 2 days he was truant (getting high with his friends), and the other day we attended a funeral of a 19 yrd old who OD. After the week of all that and Saturday's mail, I made the decision to take his car away, we are currently at a stalemate...he says he's not going back to school if he can't drive his car, and I say he didnt go to school most of the time anyway and he needs to earn the car back with regular attendance. Now we are staring at each other and trying to see who blinks first. This morning (Monday) we didn't argue about school, I told him that he wasn't sitting around the house all day that he could go to school or he could go with me to work but he wasn't staying home..so he's here with me. We have a session today with our counselor. I am really at a loss again, this week would have been a short week for him anyway at school because Wednesday is his day of suspension, Friday and next Monday there is no school, so I am willing to keep staring at him for this week, I don't know what else to do. I can drop him off at school, but he wont stay. We've discussed and discussed it, he cant tell you why he doesnt like school, we talk about it, we talk about pot, he very expressive with his feelings, but very matter of factly, we talk about how he feels when he high, we have a very close relationship, we talk about everything and nothing, I dont know what to do...I have a conference with the vice principal Wednesday, so I am looking for suggestions.

[parent]

Your son sounds a lot like mine. We are fortunate enough, however, that our son got into trouble with the law. We are counting the days until his court date because we've been told that the court can help us get him back on track. The drug counselor and the juvenile detective, who've been counseling us, both firmly believe our son needs inpatient drug treatment. We can't make him go (he refuses) but the courts will give him a choice....either treatment or juvenile hall detension. Is there any way your son will agree to go for a drug assessment? Since his behaviors sound very like mine, and the fact that he is smoking pot, it looks to me like he may a drug problem. If you were able to have him go to work with you, it sounds like he isn't as defiant as our son.

[Mike Bradley]

Dear Nell,
First, sorry for this late response.
I think that "Parent" (below) has a good point. If all else fails, and your counselor concurs, consider checking in with the school and local legal authorities to see what options exist for mandating treatment for your son. There may be intervention teams at his school that can help. Perhaps his truancy would be enough to get him into a court where drug testing would be required. I've heard many kids say that those sorts of mandates gave them the motivation they needed to confront their weed addictions, and that without that "line in the sand" they simply wouldn't stop.
Beyond all else, don't quit on him. Keep repeating softly but firmly that you love him far too much to accept that this is the way he really wants to live his life, and that you will do everything it takes to get him back on track to have a life. He may snicker, but I guarantee that deep inside he knows that you are right.
Keep us posted.

[pmartin12]

What has the school offered?