Mama34
01-28-2008, 04:14 PM
We have a 14 year old daughter who skipped 4th and 8th grades. She was 12 when she entered a high school. We were warned about things that could happen to such a young girl in a high school. But she could not stand the boredom of the middle school, and really wanted to go there. IN 7th grade she started to dress as a ”Goth”. And during her freshmen year she found friends with the similar interests at high school. She had few problems with some students during her first year mostly due to other kids being jealous of her being so young and smart, but she was O.K. about it. Her grades were O.K. I have to mention that she is very fast learner and hates repetitions. So during her sophomore year she did all her homework in class while teachers were explaining the material to other students. She had a boyfriend, their relationship lasted from Oct-through Jan.. I never let her to stay in his house overnight. She was allowed to spend time with him and mutual friends, but I always picked her up at 11 p.m. on Fridays or Saturdays. On weekdays she had dance and horseback riding lessons. She got a little lazy with her studies at the end of the first semester. The second semester came. She was doing O.K. Then her boy friend broke up with her (February) Somewhere in April she lost her interest in everything. I tired to find things for her to do, but with not much success. And she kipped many of her classes in June. All this time we did not suspect any problems. Some of her behavioral things we connected to her giftedness and tried to encourage her. The reality was that she was smoking pot and cigarettes (we suspected the latter, but she always had excuses) at least from November of her sophomore year. We caught her with the pot in July. We lost it. We had a talk a week later (she was in a summer program at the local university), said no pot and no smoking. We grounded her for two weeks. Well on a 3rd day of her school she was caught with cigarettes. Then we started to have arguments, and two times she run away. She was found on the same day in both cases. She skipped classes in September and beginning of Oct. Finally we talked to her guidance counselor and she suggested CHINS ( child in need services). We went to school to discuss these and the possibility of her sending to boarding school (she was totally out of control) and the school crises prevention counselor suggested family therapy. Our daughter also agreed to visit a school drug counselor. The school also asked all teachers to report her absentees, so she can not skip anymore.
Since November we are going to a therapist almost every week and are trying to learn how to deal with all these stuff. She went to the drug counselor only few times. Their plan was that she will cut the pot smoking to once a month. And she did it in Nov. and Dec. But… Late December she was caught with a pipe by a police officer. We had a court hearing week and a half ago. 90 days probation, random drug tests, curfew.
The thing is that we always get into arguments (mostly quiet once), she always thinks that we are angry with her. She is never polite. And now she is also upset because of her curfew. And it is not like she was free to go any time anywhere. She had to be home by 9 p.m. on workdays and by 11 on weekends. Our biggest problem was that all her friends are boys and are 18 years old. She does not like her age peers and has only 2 girl friends. One of them is really good and mature, but she is always busy (working + boyfriend) and another one is a pothead. So we had this safety issue that she just could not comprehend. Finally we reached an agreement that she can spend time with them but we need to know where they are going and she needs to come back by a specific hour and call us.
We have not had a one nice day since September. We are always afraid of getting a phone call from school , or from the police. It gets better and then it gets worst. It seems that she does not want to understand the consequences of her actions. She always says that she just feels like doing something (ex: smoking pot). 4 days before the court ( she did not know the exact date) she mixed some meds and alcohol at her friends house – suicide attempt. Now she says that there must be some reason for her to live, because she did not die (she is not religious). Yesterday she agreed to stop seeing her friends with whom she used to smoke pot. She said that she wants to be able to see her new fiends (last two month) and she says that they don’t do pot. How can we believe? Another thing: she is planning to graduate this year. She is taking an extra on=line class to get enough credits to get a school diploma. So, officially she is a senior. The good thing that she wants to do it. Another good thing she applied to colleges. But now she developed bulimia. I don’t know when anything is going to be normal!!! Please help!!! My question is: maybe she needs to go to some therapeutic school? Or does she need some more professional help? (Medications). What else can we do?
Since November we are going to a therapist almost every week and are trying to learn how to deal with all these stuff. She went to the drug counselor only few times. Their plan was that she will cut the pot smoking to once a month. And she did it in Nov. and Dec. But… Late December she was caught with a pipe by a police officer. We had a court hearing week and a half ago. 90 days probation, random drug tests, curfew.
The thing is that we always get into arguments (mostly quiet once), she always thinks that we are angry with her. She is never polite. And now she is also upset because of her curfew. And it is not like she was free to go any time anywhere. She had to be home by 9 p.m. on workdays and by 11 on weekends. Our biggest problem was that all her friends are boys and are 18 years old. She does not like her age peers and has only 2 girl friends. One of them is really good and mature, but she is always busy (working + boyfriend) and another one is a pothead. So we had this safety issue that she just could not comprehend. Finally we reached an agreement that she can spend time with them but we need to know where they are going and she needs to come back by a specific hour and call us.
We have not had a one nice day since September. We are always afraid of getting a phone call from school , or from the police. It gets better and then it gets worst. It seems that she does not want to understand the consequences of her actions. She always says that she just feels like doing something (ex: smoking pot). 4 days before the court ( she did not know the exact date) she mixed some meds and alcohol at her friends house – suicide attempt. Now she says that there must be some reason for her to live, because she did not die (she is not religious). Yesterday she agreed to stop seeing her friends with whom she used to smoke pot. She said that she wants to be able to see her new fiends (last two month) and she says that they don’t do pot. How can we believe? Another thing: she is planning to graduate this year. She is taking an extra on=line class to get enough credits to get a school diploma. So, officially she is a senior. The good thing that she wants to do it. Another good thing she applied to colleges. But now she developed bulimia. I don’t know when anything is going to be normal!!! Please help!!! My question is: maybe she needs to go to some therapeutic school? Or does she need some more professional help? (Medications). What else can we do?