Porno on the web

[Carlene]

I just caught my son the other night using the family computer to look at porno sites. I know that some of it is just teenage curiosity, and he seemed really embarassed when I caught him.

For punishment, I immediately took away his priveleges to use the computer. I didn't yell at him, but told him how horrible porno is and what other kind of criminal behavior it leads to. Now that I know he's interested though, I wonder where else he'll get the stuff from. I know it's everywhere and I can't sheild him from it completely, but I want to.

Any suggestions?

[Linda Mason]

The consequence for my son if he chooses to visit inappropriate sites again are having no access to the internet (for a certain amount of time and monitoring). I think he enjoys MSN too much to give up the internet (and we did have a discussion as well).

[nicenhappy]

I have found a great product to block websites using keywords (such as boobs or other words related to porno websites) or by blocking the actual websites (such as playboy.com). This also includes instant message programs like AOL, ICQ, Yahoo, or MSN. You can watch and monitor what he is saying (as he is talking or online) and you can block those conversations. This program keeps a daily log of where your child has been on the internet and his conversations. It has a free 30-day trial you download off the internet. If you are interested, reply or email me at nicenhappy_gal@yahoo.com and I can get you more information.

[Mike Bradley]

To all of these tips I'd add the most important part: A rationale explaining the reality of pornography. It's critical that kids understand why that stuff is a problem, beyond the fact that parents find it offensive. Discovered visits to porn sites is a great excuse to have another sex talk, but this one about the victimization of women. Ask your kid how he thinks these women feel, truly feel, about what they are doing. Ask if this stuff (pornography and prostitution) is truly a "victimless" crime, or does this actually do damage to these girls/women over time? Show them the book section where I talk about how sex is very different for men than for women, and how women get hurt by adopting the male view of sex (which is the near-exclusive support for porn and prostitution). Be sure to address those key pieces more than just shutting down the computer. Take the "mystery and excitement" out of these things by exposing the brutal realities underneath. Without that, I can about guarantee that kids will find other ways of continuing to access that stuff, and never understand the larger issues involved.
Speaking of which, thanks for reminding to check where my 13-year-old has recently been on his 'Net voyages. Do you suppose...?