Mrs.Mom
08-07-2008, 09:03 PM
Last school year my 15 y/o daughter met a 19 y/o named Frankie through a mutual friend of hers. We werent happy about the age difference but wanted to be in the loop where we could still have influence so we allowed Caitlin to maintain a friendship with him. We were clear to both Caitlin and Frankie that should the relationship progress beyond a friendship there would be legal consequences.
I did allow Caitlin and Frankie to meet a few times but I was always present. We even had him over to the house for diner once. Though we were not impressed with the boys abilities or aspirations he seemed to be harmless.
At the same time my daughter fell in with a group of girls who believed that anorexia was beautiful and cool. As she lost weight we could see her changing both mentall and physically. I started digging for information and found out about this "pro-ANA" group she became part of at school and online. Unfortunately Caitlin had gone far enough long enough into this behavior that she developed a full blown eating disorder.
As we were finding out about her eating disorder we discovered that Caitlin had met with Frankie on the sly at a park where they were kissing. Caitlin confirmed this when asked. Though we agreed not to go the legal route we forbade them from seeing each other.
I'm embarrassed to admit that I went to the house Frankie shared with his mother, brother and sister and waited in his driveway until he came out. I then threatened him with the police should he so much as ever think Caitlins name.
This of course was a disaster. She was now in love with him. He became her knight in shining armor. Her only reason for living. She insisted that if it werent for Frankie she would be dead because he encouraged her to eat and not hurt herself.........
Fast forward three months and an 11 day stay in a locked psychiatric ward for suidical idealation & eating disorder, a brief stay in a residential program, a trip to the ER and finally an intensive outpatient program for eating disordered adolescents and we come to today.
Today Caitlin has decided on her own to end those pre-ANA friendships, she is in treatment, is consistently gaining weight, her mind has cleared, she's on medication and no longer wants to commit suicide AND her and Frankie have not contacted one another.
FINALLY to my question, well almost. Caitlin came to me with the request that she be allowed to share email letters with Frankie. She was able to clearly explain how and why things had gone crazy for her and how in spite of the age difference Frankie helped her. I agreed to them emailing with the boundary that they not see each other. It was not an easy choice to make. We really dont know how Frankie influenced Caitlin because of all the other negative influences weighing on her at the time.
What I do know is that Frankie has become the Romeo to Caitlins Juliet. Maybe he wont occupy such a large space in her head/heart if some of the "forbidden fruit" aspect is taken away.
Do you think allowing them to email was a bad idea?
I did allow Caitlin and Frankie to meet a few times but I was always present. We even had him over to the house for diner once. Though we were not impressed with the boys abilities or aspirations he seemed to be harmless.
At the same time my daughter fell in with a group of girls who believed that anorexia was beautiful and cool. As she lost weight we could see her changing both mentall and physically. I started digging for information and found out about this "pro-ANA" group she became part of at school and online. Unfortunately Caitlin had gone far enough long enough into this behavior that she developed a full blown eating disorder.
As we were finding out about her eating disorder we discovered that Caitlin had met with Frankie on the sly at a park where they were kissing. Caitlin confirmed this when asked. Though we agreed not to go the legal route we forbade them from seeing each other.
I'm embarrassed to admit that I went to the house Frankie shared with his mother, brother and sister and waited in his driveway until he came out. I then threatened him with the police should he so much as ever think Caitlins name.
This of course was a disaster. She was now in love with him. He became her knight in shining armor. Her only reason for living. She insisted that if it werent for Frankie she would be dead because he encouraged her to eat and not hurt herself.........
Fast forward three months and an 11 day stay in a locked psychiatric ward for suidical idealation & eating disorder, a brief stay in a residential program, a trip to the ER and finally an intensive outpatient program for eating disordered adolescents and we come to today.
Today Caitlin has decided on her own to end those pre-ANA friendships, she is in treatment, is consistently gaining weight, her mind has cleared, she's on medication and no longer wants to commit suicide AND her and Frankie have not contacted one another.
FINALLY to my question, well almost. Caitlin came to me with the request that she be allowed to share email letters with Frankie. She was able to clearly explain how and why things had gone crazy for her and how in spite of the age difference Frankie helped her. I agreed to them emailing with the boundary that they not see each other. It was not an easy choice to make. We really dont know how Frankie influenced Caitlin because of all the other negative influences weighing on her at the time.
What I do know is that Frankie has become the Romeo to Caitlins Juliet. Maybe he wont occupy such a large space in her head/heart if some of the "forbidden fruit" aspect is taken away.
Do you think allowing them to email was a bad idea?