Skye
12-28-2008, 06:03 PM
I think I just may need some support or validation to know I am doing the right things, or at least trying to!
My ex and I share physical custody of our 13 year old twin girls....eighth graders! When a question comes up concerning a boundary such as how late they can stay at a party, my ex will not discuss the issue with me. He tells them to call me and I have to make the boundary for them. This may be fine if we lived together, but in doing this, it makes me the bad guy! I want to talk things over with my ex, come to a mutual agreement, and have him say, or I say,...."WE (your mother and I) want you home by
9:00", or whatever the boundary is.
Instead, he makes me the heavy, and it makes them resent me! I have tried to speak to him about this, and the importance of having a united front for their best interests, but it falls on deaf ears. Any suggestions?
I am also having trouble knowing what ARE suitable boundaries for eighth graders! They are good kids.....Is going to a 6:30 PM movie, that is over at 8:30 PM, with 4 other girls, then walking through an outdoor mall about 600 feet to an Applebees restraurant, and being picked up at 9:30 PM appropriate in this day and age? It is a safe community, but they would not have adult supervision.
They wanted to be picked up at 10 PM. I told them 9:30, take it or leave it, and this would be a once in a while thing, not a regular Friday night occurance. Am I too lenient, or too strict?
Also.......My one twin in very into ballet....dances 7 hours of lessons a week....wants a professional career in it. My other twin, very bright and social has not involved herself in anything that takes up much of her time and I do not like that her friends are her entire world. I have told her she has until Jan. 1 to pick something,..... anything, to get involved in, whether it is school sponsored, or something like skating, tennis or voice lessons, and if she does not choose something, I will choose it for her! This has been told to her for the last 4 months! Is this okay to do?? I feel she needs to be busy and involved with something besides her friends and IMing people on the computer!
Sorry I have 3 issues I would love suggestions and responses for! Thanks!
My ex and I share physical custody of our 13 year old twin girls....eighth graders! When a question comes up concerning a boundary such as how late they can stay at a party, my ex will not discuss the issue with me. He tells them to call me and I have to make the boundary for them. This may be fine if we lived together, but in doing this, it makes me the bad guy! I want to talk things over with my ex, come to a mutual agreement, and have him say, or I say,...."WE (your mother and I) want you home by
9:00", or whatever the boundary is.
Instead, he makes me the heavy, and it makes them resent me! I have tried to speak to him about this, and the importance of having a united front for their best interests, but it falls on deaf ears. Any suggestions?
I am also having trouble knowing what ARE suitable boundaries for eighth graders! They are good kids.....Is going to a 6:30 PM movie, that is over at 8:30 PM, with 4 other girls, then walking through an outdoor mall about 600 feet to an Applebees restraurant, and being picked up at 9:30 PM appropriate in this day and age? It is a safe community, but they would not have adult supervision.
They wanted to be picked up at 10 PM. I told them 9:30, take it or leave it, and this would be a once in a while thing, not a regular Friday night occurance. Am I too lenient, or too strict?
Also.......My one twin in very into ballet....dances 7 hours of lessons a week....wants a professional career in it. My other twin, very bright and social has not involved herself in anything that takes up much of her time and I do not like that her friends are her entire world. I have told her she has until Jan. 1 to pick something,..... anything, to get involved in, whether it is school sponsored, or something like skating, tennis or voice lessons, and if she does not choose something, I will choose it for her! This has been told to her for the last 4 months! Is this okay to do?? I feel she needs to be busy and involved with something besides her friends and IMing people on the computer!
Sorry I have 3 issues I would love suggestions and responses for! Thanks!