mother/teen son relationship - gone!

[momoftwo]

I have a 14 year old son that has done everything possible to pull away from me. He doesn't want to go anywhere with me (if he has the choice), doesn't want to sit with me, do any of the things we used to. In the past, before the pre-teen and teen years (UGH!) we were inseperable. We played sports together everyday, went swimming, ate out, everything he won't do now. All of that has shifted to his father. I am fine and happy with that. I have read that this is normal in most ways, but it seems so extreme to me that he has pushed me soooo far away. I wondered if anyone else had the same experience. He does let me do one thing....tuck him in at night. Then he says... "you can go now". Anyone else have a story? Let's share so we can all feel better! ( :

[Esprit]

Momoftwo,

Wow that's a post that most mom's can relate to! I remember the day I took my oldest son to the mall some years ago when he was about 14 and being shocked to learn that although he wanted what we were buying at the mall, we had to sneak in through Sears entrance (because after all he'd never run into a peer of his in Sears!) and take some weird route very quickly to the store so we wouldn't be seen together. And soon thereafter I remember that I had to, at the same mall, stagger going in some minutes after him, although I believe I came up with that plan so as to circumvent the drama! I have to say looking back at it now I find it pretty funny, but I remember at the time, because it comes on so very suddenly, it was a shock that to which I had to adapt! However, at home things stayed somewhat more like they had been as long as friends weren't around.

I'd say that what your son is doing is very normal as long as he has not also pulled away from friends or acts withdrawn in general. Then you have to dig deeper, but if he's happy, doing well in school, has friends, then it's just what he needs to do at that age. I think in boy peer-world, it's more acceptable for a teen boy to be seen with Dad doing "guy stuff" than with mom! And I also know for sure that it will pass and that it is strongest during the younger teen years while the search for individuality and peer pressure is so extreme. As he ages, like say more around 17 or so, he won't feel as driven to cut you off. However, it's really important, I believe to act like this is nothing and to be very neutral about it all. If you attempt to force the closeness, it'll backfire. But if an opportunity or a mood presents itself, drop everything and run with it. And I know it can really hurt at first, but those moments will carry you through.

The very best part of your post for me is that he still wants you to tuck him in at night. I really love that...it so shows how crazy it is for our teens to have all those competing emotions rattling around inside and also how strong your connection is with your son!

[singlemomsam]

YESSS!!! I have a 14 y.o. son too and it's the same story. This is the kid who would creep into my bed every night and whisper, "Mommy, I want you." My little cuddle bunny.

Well, mr. cuddle bunny is now taller than me and not a snuggler at all. My 'love you's get responses like, mmmm, or my favorite, 'isn't that grand'.

However, he is doing well in school and has a good solid group of friends. Also, whenever I miss the affection I remind myself of my cousin who is 41, still living at home and has never held a full time job.

But it's hard to let go, isn't it? Guess we just have to take it on faith that eventually they'll come back around. Good luck with your son.