Marilynne
04-10-2004, 10:32 PM
Hi Doctor B -
This is such a long explanation, I won't blame you for not replying, but I'm so frustrated with my son's attitude that I'm resorting to asking you! I've read your book, I even attended one of your speeches at our high school. I thought my husband and I were doing a really good job! We are a happy family with great kids and we are very involved in their education and planning for their future. My husband and I have been married for 25 years, get along great and are very happy. I've worked part time since our kids were born. Our kids don't see us argue, there is no physical anger in our house either. So, I don't know quite what to think about my son's "MADDITUDE"
He is a 17 year old junior in high school who is not on drugs, doesn't drink, gets good grades, has a job, respects adults (except me), adheres to his curfew, helps around the house when asked (with much griping), is nice to his sister, dresses normal, no tatoos, no piercings, shows respect to his dad (usually) and pretty much doesn't speak to me unless spoken to, wants money or to use my car. He spends the majority of his free time playing his guitar (he's in a garage band) and talking online to his friends. He goes out with friends, goes to band practice and attends concerts periodically. He doesn't have a steady girlfriend, but has dated. He's not involved in ANYTHING school related.
This is a young man who up until 9th grade, was active in school, happy-go-lucky and fairly easy to get along with. My husband and I have had many, many conversations about his attitude and how he is so angry all the time. His psychology teacher even commented on his anger, which REALLY had me worried. I feel as though I bend over backward for him. He's saving for a car so he uses our vehicles, our gas. I give him lunch money. He has a friend drive him home from school every day and I even give him money for his friend's extra gas each week. I spend way too much on him for Christmas and birthdays and feel that I should be getting at least some respect and help once in a while without any griping. I love this boy more than life itself, he's such a good kid which makes it so hard to punish him for his bad attitude. I've asked him why he's so angry, he says he isn't. I know he hates school, but what Jr. in high school doesn't by the end of the 3rd semester! He's not violent and doesn't use bad language either.
This is also a boy who's very involved in Young Life (Christian organization) and it's counterpart Campaigners. By the way he treats me, I'm not sure he’s getting what he should out of Young Life and this is an organization that we have supported 100% for both of our kids. It's also been a healthy financial commitment. I wish I knew what I'm doing wrong and I sit night after night trying to figure out how to approach him so he won't snap at me whenever I ask him to clean up after himself, or fold his laundry, take out the trash or even help his dad with something. I don't do nice things for him just so he'll be nice to me, I do them because I love him. I just don't know how to approach him or get him to understand that I need to feel that I'm loved back. I tell him all I want for him is to be happy, but I don't know what more to do to get him to that place.
Today he and I went to buy him a CD player for his birthday, for the new truck he's buying soon. On the way home he freaked out at me when I told him I'd have to take him to work because I needed my car. When I told him he has to remember he doesn't have a car yet, he said "shut up"! I just spent $150 dollars on this kid and he tells me to shut up! I told his dad about the conversation and now (I think) he's been grounded from the car for the week which means he misses band practice (which in his eyes is "destroying his life"). He says my mission in life is to destroy his life! Right now, he's VERY angry with me for telling his dad about that incident.
What am I doing wrong with this young man?!?! Any suggestions?
This is such a long explanation, I won't blame you for not replying, but I'm so frustrated with my son's attitude that I'm resorting to asking you! I've read your book, I even attended one of your speeches at our high school. I thought my husband and I were doing a really good job! We are a happy family with great kids and we are very involved in their education and planning for their future. My husband and I have been married for 25 years, get along great and are very happy. I've worked part time since our kids were born. Our kids don't see us argue, there is no physical anger in our house either. So, I don't know quite what to think about my son's "MADDITUDE"
He is a 17 year old junior in high school who is not on drugs, doesn't drink, gets good grades, has a job, respects adults (except me), adheres to his curfew, helps around the house when asked (with much griping), is nice to his sister, dresses normal, no tatoos, no piercings, shows respect to his dad (usually) and pretty much doesn't speak to me unless spoken to, wants money or to use my car. He spends the majority of his free time playing his guitar (he's in a garage band) and talking online to his friends. He goes out with friends, goes to band practice and attends concerts periodically. He doesn't have a steady girlfriend, but has dated. He's not involved in ANYTHING school related.
This is a young man who up until 9th grade, was active in school, happy-go-lucky and fairly easy to get along with. My husband and I have had many, many conversations about his attitude and how he is so angry all the time. His psychology teacher even commented on his anger, which REALLY had me worried. I feel as though I bend over backward for him. He's saving for a car so he uses our vehicles, our gas. I give him lunch money. He has a friend drive him home from school every day and I even give him money for his friend's extra gas each week. I spend way too much on him for Christmas and birthdays and feel that I should be getting at least some respect and help once in a while without any griping. I love this boy more than life itself, he's such a good kid which makes it so hard to punish him for his bad attitude. I've asked him why he's so angry, he says he isn't. I know he hates school, but what Jr. in high school doesn't by the end of the 3rd semester! He's not violent and doesn't use bad language either.
This is also a boy who's very involved in Young Life (Christian organization) and it's counterpart Campaigners. By the way he treats me, I'm not sure he’s getting what he should out of Young Life and this is an organization that we have supported 100% for both of our kids. It's also been a healthy financial commitment. I wish I knew what I'm doing wrong and I sit night after night trying to figure out how to approach him so he won't snap at me whenever I ask him to clean up after himself, or fold his laundry, take out the trash or even help his dad with something. I don't do nice things for him just so he'll be nice to me, I do them because I love him. I just don't know how to approach him or get him to understand that I need to feel that I'm loved back. I tell him all I want for him is to be happy, but I don't know what more to do to get him to that place.
Today he and I went to buy him a CD player for his birthday, for the new truck he's buying soon. On the way home he freaked out at me when I told him I'd have to take him to work because I needed my car. When I told him he has to remember he doesn't have a car yet, he said "shut up"! I just spent $150 dollars on this kid and he tells me to shut up! I told his dad about the conversation and now (I think) he's been grounded from the car for the week which means he misses band practice (which in his eyes is "destroying his life"). He says my mission in life is to destroy his life! Right now, he's VERY angry with me for telling his dad about that incident.
What am I doing wrong with this young man?!?! Any suggestions?