kkincaide
11-11-2009, 08:32 AM
I think my daughter is nearing a crisis point. First, let me say that she has asked that we go see her pediatrician, so that she can talk about her anxiety and we have an appointment this afternoon. What I need help with is what I can do to keep life moving, without making things worse for my daughter.
Some background: My daughter is 14 years old and a freshman. She is in all gifted classes. Her grades are generally okay, although she struggles with organizational issues. She has struggled this year, adjusting to high school. Her first quarter grades definitely need improvement, but she has been working hard and things are gradually coming around, although I’m not sure she sees that.
My daughter has been getting migraine headaches since she was in 4th grade. Several years ago, she was referred to a pediatric neurologist. Things were better for a little while, but the headaches never really went away. She would cycle through times when they were better and times when they were worse. The cycles appeared to me to be clearly related to stress. My daughter is only just now realizing this. She recently asked to see a different neurologist. It was a great idea. We saw him Monday and after talking to her for only a few minutes, he asked if we were seeing anyone to handle her anxiety. He made several connections for both of us that we had not thought of before. When my daughter has a headache, she needs to control her environment. The environment that she wants to produce can be, well, not something the rest of the family wants to endure. This has resulted in some nasty confrontations and a lot of hurt feelings on all sides. The neuro said that controlling behaviors and anxiety behaviors are all in the same family. When I think back on these controlling encounters and view them through the lens of anxiety they make a lot more sense.
Now, the first thing that the neuro wants to do is take her completely off of all of her medications. We started that two days ago. She has, essentially, had a headache for two days with all of the emotional strings attached. Today, I could barely get her out the door for school, and then an hour late. It was awful. I kept telling her that I know I don’t understand what she feels like, but I know that the stress of missing more school will make things worse. She said that she was tired and didn’t want to go. She didn’t want to deal with the teachers and her friends. She would do the work, but she just didn’t want to go to school. Then she said she was failing all of her classes, so what is the use anyway. Dr. Bradley, it is the third day of the quarter, she’s not failing anything! There was one particular teacher/assignment conflict that bothered her and the way that I finally got her to go to school was to make a deal that if I let her do the makeup assignment with the data that she has this morning (I really thought this was done last night, I asked!), she would go to school. Dr. Bradley, I don’t think I was being manipulated, not that I think that is past any teenager, but her emotions were all there on her sleeve. She normally doesn’t like to show a lot of vulnerable emotion, but we stood talking at the front door, with the door open, with me trying to get her outside for 25 minutes. There were tears dripping off of her chin! She normally isn’t like this! When she asked to see her pediatrician, she said that she didn’t feel like herself and wanted to feel like herself again.
I don’t know what to do to keep things going. I feel like if I let her hide from everything, classes, sports, that she will have such a hole to dig out of, it will make things even more difficult for her to get on top of later. But maybe I’m pushing too much and I’ll hurt her. I don’t know what to do.
Some background: My daughter is 14 years old and a freshman. She is in all gifted classes. Her grades are generally okay, although she struggles with organizational issues. She has struggled this year, adjusting to high school. Her first quarter grades definitely need improvement, but she has been working hard and things are gradually coming around, although I’m not sure she sees that.
My daughter has been getting migraine headaches since she was in 4th grade. Several years ago, she was referred to a pediatric neurologist. Things were better for a little while, but the headaches never really went away. She would cycle through times when they were better and times when they were worse. The cycles appeared to me to be clearly related to stress. My daughter is only just now realizing this. She recently asked to see a different neurologist. It was a great idea. We saw him Monday and after talking to her for only a few minutes, he asked if we were seeing anyone to handle her anxiety. He made several connections for both of us that we had not thought of before. When my daughter has a headache, she needs to control her environment. The environment that she wants to produce can be, well, not something the rest of the family wants to endure. This has resulted in some nasty confrontations and a lot of hurt feelings on all sides. The neuro said that controlling behaviors and anxiety behaviors are all in the same family. When I think back on these controlling encounters and view them through the lens of anxiety they make a lot more sense.
Now, the first thing that the neuro wants to do is take her completely off of all of her medications. We started that two days ago. She has, essentially, had a headache for two days with all of the emotional strings attached. Today, I could barely get her out the door for school, and then an hour late. It was awful. I kept telling her that I know I don’t understand what she feels like, but I know that the stress of missing more school will make things worse. She said that she was tired and didn’t want to go. She didn’t want to deal with the teachers and her friends. She would do the work, but she just didn’t want to go to school. Then she said she was failing all of her classes, so what is the use anyway. Dr. Bradley, it is the third day of the quarter, she’s not failing anything! There was one particular teacher/assignment conflict that bothered her and the way that I finally got her to go to school was to make a deal that if I let her do the makeup assignment with the data that she has this morning (I really thought this was done last night, I asked!), she would go to school. Dr. Bradley, I don’t think I was being manipulated, not that I think that is past any teenager, but her emotions were all there on her sleeve. She normally doesn’t like to show a lot of vulnerable emotion, but we stood talking at the front door, with the door open, with me trying to get her outside for 25 minutes. There were tears dripping off of her chin! She normally isn’t like this! When she asked to see her pediatrician, she said that she didn’t feel like herself and wanted to feel like herself again.
I don’t know what to do to keep things going. I feel like if I let her hide from everything, classes, sports, that she will have such a hole to dig out of, it will make things even more difficult for her to get on top of later. But maybe I’m pushing too much and I’ll hurt her. I don’t know what to do.