Grades make me crazy or How to get my HS Junior back on track

[akrogh]

Background:

First, in January of this year, our 16 year daughter and I regularly butted heads, had shout outs and slamming doors. I created a contract with bonuses that was laughed at. Until I started implementing the removal of cell phone privileges. Then, I became further berated as an awful parent.
Dr. Bradley's book, "Yes my Teen is Crazy" and felt better. I attended two of his lectures. And felt even better, again.

Third, immediately, we lifted the attrition based parenting and things at home improved remarkably. Less tension, less shouting, until...

NOW

I feel like we've given her enough freedom and hands off that she's now in panic mode about her grades.

Mistake? We didn't have an agreement with her about what would happen if she didn't meet her own performance expectations. She isn't rebelling too badly, no drug abuse, attends school, participates in athletics, etc. Her grades have taken a nose dive and we didn't see it coming.

What's next?

See if this makes sense:

We will tell her "Things have to change, we want your input. what can you do and how can we make it easier for you?"

We will put carrots on sticks:
a. Talk to your academic counselor within the next 5 school days and we'll give you $20.
b. Attend the AP World History weekly prep sessions and we'll give you $20 for each session (there are 3 left).
c. Every night, we'll give you up to 1.5 hours of Facebook time if you show us your completed homework.
d. Don't skip the calculus class for the rest of the quarter.

As long as you do these 4 things, you are fine to go out with your friends over the weekend, as usual.

At the end of the quarter, if she raises her a GPA back to where she started, she can choose her reward (more cash, iPod, etc.) If she gets it above where it used to be, there's another choice of rewards.

Does this sound reasonable?? I reviewed this with her magnet teacher this morning and think we have a good plan. I know I'd go to to my exercise class more often if I had a pedicure as a reward.

[tacobell123]

You're bribing her for things that a kid should do normally. It shows you're weak, BUT it also could work. Teens are complex, yet simple creatures.

You need to instill in her that school matters and you don't want her to be a bum. The economy is terrible and without a degree, she'll be working at McDonalds. Whilst that's a bit of an exaggeration, something like that may be what it takes to snap her out of her funk.

So your plan of bribing her could work, but then if the bribes stop, then so does the positive actions of her. She needs to learn that these things are necessary for life. She's still young and naive, she doesn't know that if she screws up now she's ruining her future. You need to express that to her without talking down to her.

Basically, school work is boring, but just deal with it and you'll be making a lot more money in the future. With such a bad economy, if you don't get your butt back on track, you're SOL. You need to expose her to the real world, people with real issues, take her to a homeless shelter or something in the ghetto. I'm not talking about scared straight, but she needs to realize that for every action there is a consequence and bribing her may not have the desired effect.

[akrogh]

Maybe not weak, but certainly desperate. Bribes have worked for her in the past (non- grade as well as grades). We stopped the dollars for grades due to recession challenges. We're reprioritizing our budget with this effort. Nuff on that.

A week has passed since my post. We shared the goals with her two days ago and meet with her tomorrow to discuss, edit and sign the agreement.

In the two days she had at school, she did not attend the AP review, did not talk to the counselor, and did not go to the SAT prep class.

I'm pretty sure once she sees the cash in an envelope waiting for her, she'll go. Bribe, you betcha. Running out of time before the junior year runs out? yep. If I get her in to talk to people and get her into review classes, it may offer short term results and that's a risk I'm willing to take to simply finish the semester.

Our goal this summer is to get her excited and passionate about something, anything She has chosen to travel to El Salvador on a humanitarian trip, for 3 weeks. I'm betting that she'll come back invigorated, motivated to do something more with her life.

We're doing the 'keep your options open by getting good grades, college grades earn 60% more than non college grads", etc,. She's seen poverty first hand in Soweto and Johannesburg shanty towns and been to the local county projects with charity programs. She understands she wants a better life. I think she has fallen back because she's a quick learner and has never had to really, really study before. She's gotten bitten in the butt by not ratcheting up her game. Today, she worked all morning on AP reviews then held a study session on calculus at our house this afternoon, She's doing good things independently, and we're recognizing that she's trying.

I think we'll get through this successfully. Thanks for your comments. They are appreciated.