Bedwetting

[steptogether]

One of the kids has been wetting the bed in the middle of the night and they are 17 years old. We've noticed it happens when the teen has been drinking for the most part. It is happening quite frequently lately. I just need to get this out as I don't know what to do.

I hope Dr. Bradley see this and can give me a response.

Thanks for reading.

[Mike Bradley]

Dear Parent,
There are a number of causes that might explain the bedwetting, some of which could be quite serious. The first step is to get your kid to the pediatrician ASAP to get this checked out. If she/he finds no physical causes, a trip to the shrink will then be warranted. Whether related to the wetting or not, sure that you are not "cool" with this child's drinking. Teen brains are simply not equipped to handle the toxic/addictive effects of alcohol.
Take care.

[steptogether]

Thank you for your response Dr. Bradley. He wet the bed 3 nights ago again and my husband kept it from me but I found out about it anyway when I went into SS room to get laundry. My husband thinks he was drinking. Apparently DH is not making an issue of his son drinking anymore. As long as he not totally wasted he's letting it go now. He didn't tell me about the bedwetting because he didn't want to get me upset. I told my husband there is an elepahant in the room and it needs to be addressed. DH doesn't think it's a medical problem and he is keeping quiet about it and make him clean it up himself, which is a good thing, but it needs to be addressed professionally now. He will not seek professional help and the teen will not go to the dr. or any therapist - we tried 6 months ago. My husband doesn't believe in therapy either. It's really a sad situation in my home. I just pray that nothing happens to this child. It's very difficult to watch the insanity.

[Mike Bradley]

Dear Parent,
Time to play hardball. Though extraordinarily unlikely, the fact is that the wetting could be symptomatic of a life-altering/threatening issue (one being alcohol toxicity/abuse). I say that not to alarm you but for you to pass on to get these entrenched guys off their butts and into the docs' offices.
Good luck.

[steptogether]

I had a conversation with DH last night and he thinks that the kid just is so tired that the alcohol makes him more tired and exhausted so he can't get up. I told him he was in denial about this situation. Even if your exhausted, you can still get up and go to the bathroom in the middle of the night. I told him he is passed out from the alcohol.

SS has dr. appt. in July for a physical for school and DH will not take him any sooner. If he moved it up, SS will not go. If SS doesn't want to go somewhere, he doesn't go. We tried going to therapy to get some help in January and SS wouldn't come. This was before all the bedwetting.

I know I am powerless over all this, but it's having a negative impact on me. I have lost a lot of respect for my husband and I'm scared for my SS. I don't know what I am going to do and I'm praying that an answer comes.

[steptogether]

I'm in tears right now. Just spoke with DH and he truly believes there is nothing wrong with his son wetting the bed. We are on such different pages about most things. He make rules and changes them. I'm can't sleep this past week due to waiting for his son to come home. I'm having a terrible time of it right now and I'm tired of therapy. I was in therapy for years. My problem is I can't come to an acceptance of how DH parents. My respect for him is not very high and I don't ever feel like I matter. It's terrible. He says I do but I never really feel like I do. We make decisions and he changes the rules. My head spins and I can't keep up. I asked him what he want me to do regarding all of this. Let me know what I'm supposed to do. He says we can sit down and talk to his son together. I'm done with that and I told him so. I told him he says one thing and does another so how I feel and what I want don't matter. He says he's trying to make it good for everyone. That's not true. He just wants to avoid any confrontation with his son - taking the easy way out. It's too confusing and sends mixed messages. I'm relying on God to give me an answer as to what direction I need to go. So far the answer has been wait. I feel like a big nothing in my home.

[steptogether]

well, all summer long my SS basically stayed by his mom's here and there and he continued to wet the bed but not with as much frequency. He did it again at her house in his brothers bed last week so now his older brother knows. He is still saying that his son was really tired. He didn't sleep all week long, all BS. Do you think they ever took this teen to see if there was something medically wrong, NO. If the teen doesn't want to do something then that's the end of it.

My husband is letting this now 17yr old basically do what he wants and come home when he wants. He never makes curfew and now he has been going away to colleges on a few weekends to stay over with friends who go there and it's all allowed. I showed my husband his son's facebook page clearly staing that they were drinking and he says nothing. He did tell his son he didn't want him to go last weekend but he went anyway. Now there are no consequences for any of his son's behavior at all. He told his son he's worried when he doesn't know where he is and that's the extent of it. It's just so sad. The kid does go to school and he did get a job but will not work on a Friday night because it interferes with his going out time.

I really can't stand all of this. My answer from praying has been to wait basically. But I have no respect for my husband right now. I'm very sad to say the least.

Thanks for reading.

[Mike Bradley]

Dear Step Mom,
It's time to recite that serenity prayer and to get to helping out folks who want help. You must focus your energy in some direction where you can make a positive impact and to stop obsessing on issues where you cannot do anything but feel helpless.
Look into volunteer activities where you can feel that you've made a positive difference in the world. That might help you to not suffer so much over your step son.
Take care,
Dr. B.

[steptogether]

Dr. B, thanks for responding. I say the serenity prayer often and I have done some volunteer work as well. Perhaps I should find something else. The latest news, SS 17, went to homecoming dance and got caught drinking and got suspended for a week. I didn't get involved with the parents talking to him at all. All talk and no action is the norm and I didn't want to hear it again.