Daughter is in drivers seat

[SamsMom]

My 15yo daughter thinks she's moving out at 16. She reminds me (threatens me) of that every time something happens she doesn't like. We've had our share of troubles, but got therapy and worked through them. We are a strong, loving, supportive family, but for some reason she can't wait to get "outta there." (she thinks that at 16 it will be legal for her to be on her own) She is dating an 18yo who didn't finish high school. I'm so scared she will follow through and leave this Fall. Instead of planning the Sweet 16 party I've dreamed about for her since she was a newborn, I'm dreading her birthday. It seems she continues to control everything while sitting in the drivers seat with her threats and my fears.

[Mike Bradley]

Dear Mom,
It's time to head back to that shrink's office. Most kids understand that in most states being 16 only means that you can legally drop out of school. The real issue here is not her threats of leaving but the "why" she threatens to leave. Get some help to sort out what's going on before she does something dumb like drop out of school.
Keep us posted.

[SamsMom]

Tx so much for your reply, Doc Mike. I have been thru the training and feel comforted by your personal response.
Our history summed up goes like this:
* I had her when I was 17 - her Dad was a bad apple (criminal, drug addict)
* I got away from him and grew up very fast, got an office job at my Dad's co. and worked on my diploma p/t (I am now a Marketing Director)
* I met my engineer husband when she was a toddler, we dated for 2 years, then got married
* He is the only Dad she's ever really known
* We have a son who she loves immensely
* At 14, she decided to go live with her biol. dad - she cut off all comm with us for 6 mos (6 mos of hell for us)
She came home when her dad was arrested for 9 armed robberies and running a drug house (I can't believe I even know people that I can say that about)
* She has suffered the loss of her father many times over (having a fantasy about who he was growing up, then realizing he wasn't the knight in shining armour - then losing him to prison) and I'm sure she has issues with being blood-related to someone like that. She has serious anger issues (as he did). Her anger interferes with all the relationships in her life. She says, "I'm just like my Dad" which is not true. She is a bright, beautiful, talented, funny, creative person with so much to offer.
*Don't get me started on her depressing, non-personality, high-school drop-out 18yo leach boyfriend of hers.

My daughter was the weekend warrior this week. Despite "running away" she still went to school. She came home last night making me promise not to talk with her about ANYTHING until we have a sit-down discussion. She says she has alot to say to me. I have a lot to say, too. I am re-reading the chapter on Negotiation and writing up a plan for this big "discussion".
I'll keep you posted on what happens....