My Best Friend

[Chrisandtell]

I've known this girl Kassandra for about 5 years now, she's 17, will be 18 in September. I'm so worried about her, I love Kas like a sister and I don't know what to do to help her. Right now shes in a relationship with a 29 year old man who has a 2 year old son, and Kas uses drugs, and I think she is a boderline alcoholic. Kas has 2 other really close friends, Dave and Eric, who both do nothing to help her stress levels or get her to change her ways, if anything they encourage the crazy partying. The one friend she has at her school is a kid she gets stoned with instead of going to class. Currently she stays with her boyfriend to avoid her mother's rules and her mother has given up on her because Kas is fairly violent and hot tempered (I do admit to teaching her martial arts, because I wanted her to be able to defend herself). Dr.Bradley, I need some advice before I end up having to watch this girls funeral instead of her band performances.

Chris

[Mike Bradley]

Dear Chris,
Perhaps the hardest thing we face in life is watching people we love self-destruct right before our helpless eyes. It can be an agony if you don't get another perspective, one carried in something called "The Serenity Prayer," something you should look up, and something that can be very helpful whether or not you are religious. After you read that (and perhaps repeat it only a thousand times a day as I do) then decide to take one final action with your friend to try and get her to "wake up." You might think about hand writing her a letter outlining your fears for her, since folks are less inclined to deny or defend back to a letter (vs face-to-face). The odds are that your note won't make her change soon, but she might just put it away to read later. Much of the work we do to help others is to plant "seeds" in them with our loving concerns, and then patiently wait and hope (and pray if you are so inclined) for those seeds to flower, sometimes years down the road. Until they flower, just stay close to your friend waiting for the day when she may reach out and say "HELP!" Then get her to a professional helper (counselor, crisis center and so on).
Take care, Chris, and thanks for caring about your friend.