CoastalMom
11-15-2004, 02:49 PM
Hi all,
My 13-year-old daughter's father and I have been divorced for a few years and she has lived with me exclusively until very recently when she decided to start staying at his house because she didn't like my rules and was under the impression that she would have free reign at his house (which, so far, is pretty accurate).
My opinion is that it is her "job" to take advantage of the education offered her and do reasonably well in school or at the very least put forth good effort. Our only real battle was over her excessive use of internet chat rooms (and that I wanted to know who she was chatting with, didn't think it was a healthy sign that she would immediately close the chat windows when I'd pass the computer) while not doing her homework and earning poor grades.
She also has arranged "dates" with boys she hardly knows and is showing signs of low self-esteem by dressing suggestively.
Her father feels that dating is fine at 13 and since she is living with him for now, is pushing me to compromise on my rule of no dating until she is quite a bit older (since we want to have the same rules in both houses to reduce manipulation). I can't figure out WHAT he could be thinking wanting to allow her to date at 13 and don't feel that I can budge much on this issue.
If she is not "mature" enough (and she loves to think of herself as mature) or responsible enough to take care of her school responsibilities and must not think very highly of herself right now (because she's dressing suggestively), I feel she is definitely not in a good space to be allowed to date.
How do you suggest we work this out? Thank you.
My 13-year-old daughter's father and I have been divorced for a few years and she has lived with me exclusively until very recently when she decided to start staying at his house because she didn't like my rules and was under the impression that she would have free reign at his house (which, so far, is pretty accurate).
My opinion is that it is her "job" to take advantage of the education offered her and do reasonably well in school or at the very least put forth good effort. Our only real battle was over her excessive use of internet chat rooms (and that I wanted to know who she was chatting with, didn't think it was a healthy sign that she would immediately close the chat windows when I'd pass the computer) while not doing her homework and earning poor grades.
She also has arranged "dates" with boys she hardly knows and is showing signs of low self-esteem by dressing suggestively.
Her father feels that dating is fine at 13 and since she is living with him for now, is pushing me to compromise on my rule of no dating until she is quite a bit older (since we want to have the same rules in both houses to reduce manipulation). I can't figure out WHAT he could be thinking wanting to allow her to date at 13 and don't feel that I can budge much on this issue.
If she is not "mature" enough (and she loves to think of herself as mature) or responsible enough to take care of her school responsibilities and must not think very highly of herself right now (because she's dressing suggestively), I feel she is definitely not in a good space to be allowed to date.
How do you suggest we work this out? Thank you.