Paulinej
01-02-2005, 05:53 PM
I am an older single parent now 60 years old with a 16 year old son. I have raised him alone since he was 6 months old and we have had a very close relationship up until two years ago. He was always bright, ambitious (wanted to be an architect), kind and loving.
In a nutshell: I remained single keeping any relationship I had separate from my son as they were not serious. I started a business from the house so I could be here after school for him. His father lives locally but hasn't been involved much (his choice) until recently when he separated from his wife of 3 years. He then wanted our son to hang out with him at his apartment and my son jumped at the opportunity to be part of his dad's life. Dad then reconciled with the wife and my son visited every other weekend until last year when things between us got so bad, fighting for control of every single issue and not doing homework that I told him he had to go live with his dad until he could be respectful towards me and his teachers - I thought he needed a male role model (I do not have brothers or parents to fulfil this role). My son was an honor roll student until living with his self-centered father who does not check his homework nor seems to care how he does at school or with (now non-existent) friends. My son has always been kind, thoughtful, responsible and a good student but now is lazy, has no energy or passions, uses bad language and is hanging out with his 23 yr old step brother and his friends who gamble and take drugs. My ex will not respond to my calls or e-mails and now my son is ignoring me too. He didn't show up to spend Christmas as promised, neither has he called to wish me Happy new year - he seems to go out of his way to intentionally be cruel and hurt me and I am at a loss to understand why and how to cope with it. I left him a final message yesterday telling him I love him and always will be here for him when he needs me and it is now up to him to call me. I cannot sleep and cry every time I see the presents and his stocking under the tree. I know he has to grow up and separate from me but am afraid his dad is not filling the parenting role. I am terrified that he has no direction and will get into trouble and fail high school. It is a crucial time in his life and I do not know how to communicate with him if he will not answer my calls or come to see me. Any ideas on the path should I take?
In a nutshell: I remained single keeping any relationship I had separate from my son as they were not serious. I started a business from the house so I could be here after school for him. His father lives locally but hasn't been involved much (his choice) until recently when he separated from his wife of 3 years. He then wanted our son to hang out with him at his apartment and my son jumped at the opportunity to be part of his dad's life. Dad then reconciled with the wife and my son visited every other weekend until last year when things between us got so bad, fighting for control of every single issue and not doing homework that I told him he had to go live with his dad until he could be respectful towards me and his teachers - I thought he needed a male role model (I do not have brothers or parents to fulfil this role). My son was an honor roll student until living with his self-centered father who does not check his homework nor seems to care how he does at school or with (now non-existent) friends. My son has always been kind, thoughtful, responsible and a good student but now is lazy, has no energy or passions, uses bad language and is hanging out with his 23 yr old step brother and his friends who gamble and take drugs. My ex will not respond to my calls or e-mails and now my son is ignoring me too. He didn't show up to spend Christmas as promised, neither has he called to wish me Happy new year - he seems to go out of his way to intentionally be cruel and hurt me and I am at a loss to understand why and how to cope with it. I left him a final message yesterday telling him I love him and always will be here for him when he needs me and it is now up to him to call me. I cannot sleep and cry every time I see the presents and his stocking under the tree. I know he has to grow up and separate from me but am afraid his dad is not filling the parenting role. I am terrified that he has no direction and will get into trouble and fail high school. It is a crucial time in his life and I do not know how to communicate with him if he will not answer my calls or come to see me. Any ideas on the path should I take?