Teen Rebellion

[Jick]

I am so depressed and in way over my head. My sixteen year old and I have had another fight about going to school on Monday. I told him I would not call him in again. He was tired, he said he counldn't sleep last night. The fight escalated. I tried to remember the dispassionate cop but I guess I am too dispassionate. It only infuriates him more. I try to leave the room but he just goes on the attack, name calling, yelling at me. I thought I had developed pretty thick skin, this is my fourth child,
but it hurt so much. He knows all the buttons. I even tried to leave the house, he had hidden my keys. He accused me of abandoning him. What is up with that? I broke down crying and called him in sick. I thought that is what the pont of this whole episode had been about. He just yelled at me so more about why do I do that, put up a fight and then give in? He always apologizes and says how bad he feels, but I just feel beaten and useless. Somebody please help me. I think I am going crazy.

[Mike Bradley]

Dear Mom,
You must get to a helper (counselor, psychologist) IMMEDIATELY. Your son's key-hiding behavior is over-the-edge, and you need an expert to guide you through. Ask if your son will attend with you, but if he refuses, go yourself, and ask for an immediate appointment.
In the interim, stay with your initial reactions and do not call him in sick if he is not, no matter what he does. Yes, leave the house if you must, and if he takes your car keys and/or tries to prevent you from leaving, call 911 without hesitation. You must quickly give him the dispassionate message that acting crazy with you will not solve his problems. The fact that he was able to wear you down before means that he will likely try this many times until he sees that you will hold firm in CALMLY not giving in to his "terrorist" demands.
Whatever issues he has cannot be dealt with until he sees that you, not he, is in control. This is why he is yelling about you fighting and then giving in---he needs you to be in charge, since he is so out of control.
Please move quickly, and keep us posted.