Hickey

[Car]

Hi,
My 16 year-old came home with her first hickey (that I know of). I had a discussion with her about how unhappy I was & why. Then a week later she comes home with one again. Your thoughts?

[Mike Bradley]

Dear Parent,
When our kids do things like drink some beer or experiment with sex (hickeys) they are usually not thinking that their behaviors in any way hurt their parents. In their heads, it's all about them. They are just exploring their world and trying to figure out their place in it (their identity). Instead of talking about YOUR unhappiness, try asking your daughter about HER views on this. Help her sort out her own value system. That is the best defence she can have against things that can hurt her.
If she only learns from you that hickeys are things that upset parents, then she will only learn to hide the hickeys. If you can use the hickeys as an excuse for a trip to the coffee shop to talk about her views on sex, then perhaps you can take a step towards her deciding that casual sex is not for her because SHE believes so, not because her parents get mad.
Beyond all else, keep close to her heart. If hickeys are all you have to deal with, then congratulations!
By the way, weren't you that 16-year-old kid I remember who was wearing those turtleneck sweaters in July?
Be well.

[!!abbot]

I think the media of the present age has a big role to play towards these problems which are increasing alarmingly around the globe. It is quite evident that being youngsters most of them would have many queries regarding sex related matters but problems start to rise when without knowing the pros and cons about the issue they try to experience it all by themselves. This can mean huge problems to not only them but to their parents as well. Now we cant stop media, internet and the other sources which provoke them towards wrongful decisions so what else a strict vigil is necessary to avoid such problems. But then this is easier said than done!