help needed regarding cigarette smoking

[BarbaraJordan]

I can't tell you how much I have used your book over the last several months. I use the index to look up the needed topic of the day, re-read my highlighted text and feel stronger and ready to deal with what is happening.
My son has started smoking at school about 2 weeks ago. He is 14, has ADHD and CP, is very easily influenced and has no friends. The few he had from middle school have faded away or are also poor influences. He hasn't made any new friends in school and gravitates toward the smoking group for lots of reasons. He says it helps him forget about everything for awhile and that the kids there are the only ones in school who aren't boring. He has two grandparents who died from lung cancer, Just a year ago he gave a stranger a lecture about the evils of smoking. His father works in oncology. It is tearing us up inside but we are trying not to turn it into a power struggle. Are there consequences we should impose? What can we do to help him grow out of this behavior before he becomes addicted?

[Mike Bradley]

Dear Mom,
As I read your pained letter I was thinking about how if I were your son, facing the challenges he faces, I'd smoke too. What a relief it must be for him to get that jolt of nicotine stimulation to help with his ADHD, along with the smoker group social acceptance to help with his loneliness. This is why you must respond powerfully and wisely-he is a sitting duck to make the jerks at the cigarette companies that much richer.
I had the honor of participating in a wonderful article written by Lynda Exley in the November issue of the HOUSTON FAMILY MAGAZINE (TXparenting.com) about combating teen smoking. Please read that before you do anything. The short version is that the goal is not to simply forbid cigarettes (that trick never works) but to help your son make HIS OWN decision to not smoke (that trick works best).
In addition to what the article will teach you, I'd take junior out to the coffee shop to chat. Tell him that you can see that cigarettes would seem so great for him. Start a discussion about the plusses and minuses, and ask if there are other ways he can get what he needs without the cancer sticks. For stimulant effect, I've had some success getting ADHD kids to switch to coffee instead. Like cigarettes, coffee can appeal to the teen's need to look more grown-up. For the social needs, get intense about getting him into activities and settings where he'll meet kids who don't smell like ash trays.
Finally, look for ways to bribe him to not smoke, and brainstorm strategies for him to turn down cigarettes in a "cool" way, i.e. "Thanks, but I've got a medical condition that prevents me from smoking." Tell him that is not really a lie since the medical condition that precludes his smoking is a thing called life.
Good luck and please keep us posted.