14-year old son on a school trip

[TexasMom]

I need advice about my 14-year old son going on a school trip – touchy subject!

Here’s the situation.
My son just learned that a special ed student was added to his group of four that will be rooming together during his 8th grade two-night trip. So it would be 3 buddies and this special ed student that has the mental development of a 2nd or 3rd grader.
My son is devastated and says that this kid will be a drag, annoyance, bother and will take some of the fun out of this much-anticipated trip. This small group will be together the whole three days, with a few exceptions.

My DH and I have somewhat opposing views. One view might be characterized as generous and caring, and the other as selfish and hurtful:

View 1
This is a wonderful opportunity to show leadership and to learn more about special needs kids. They probably chose my son and his pals because they are mature, caring kids who could be trusted to deal with this. It should not “ruin the trip” and it would reflect poorly on my son if he complained.

OR

View 2
This will take a lot of the carefree fun out of the trip because this special ed child is not compatible with the others. There is a reason the special kids eat together, take class together and do not hang out with the other kids. It will be awkward and burdensome, possibly create more responsibility for my son. It will put more pressure on my son, who is a bit shy and self-conscious, as he tries to socialize successfully during this very important trip.

How would you approach this?

[Carlene]

I obviously don't understand all the details of this trip, but I would like to comment anyway. If you think this will put extra responsibility on your son, and be a burden to him on a trip that's supposed to be fun, you need to say something to the organizers.

It should be their responsibility to put compatible kids together. And if this kid is that far below the mental capacity of the other kids, the situation will not be pleasant for any of them. My God, they are 14 year old boys!

I know you're struggling to find the right thing to do, but in this case the school (or organizers) really need to think about what's right both for your 14 year old and the special-ed 14 year old.

I don't think compromising everyone's experience by putting them together in such close quarters is going to work. More than likely, it will be disaterous for the special kid, and a drag for the others.

[TexasMom]

Carlene, many thanks for your comments. Your sentiments echo mine, but my husband seems to think my son should just accept this room assignment.

I also don’t know a lot of the details since I just learned about this yesterday. Since I feel awkward in expressing my opinions about this to the parents and to the trip organizer, I really appreciate this forum providing honest feedback.

I need to find more details. Frankly, my first thought was surprise that they would place this kid into this group. From what I understand he is not mainstreamed into classes at school.

Some basic questions that I want to ask the organizer include:
Are any other special ed students of this type being placed with other groups?
Is this student “mainstreamed” at school? If not, why are they doing this?
Can this student assume as much responsibility for himself as the average kid can, or does he need assistance with some activities/behaviors? If he needs help, who will provided it?
Did you anticipate this would be a concern for the boys?

I would appreciate ideas and comments.

TexasMom