Teen rebellion/anger

[jennylynn]

Our 16 (soon to be 17) yo son has morphed into something but we're not sure of what. Our church group discovered at a retreat that he was dabbling in drugs..he volunteered this info. We are seeing a youth and family counselor at this time. We have placed some restrictions on him, which he seemed to handle okay, until a few days ago. He insists that he has hated living here since he was 13 and is planning on moving out at 17. He has no vehicle and little money but insists that he'll make it. We are questioning his association w/ 2 friends who seem to be encouraging this move. Don't know if they're involved in the drugs also. Our son is furious w/ us and will not speak to either his dad or I. He almost seems to gloat at the fact that he has us very unnerved over these events. Needless to say, no one is happy in this household. Help!

[mom2teens]

I hope that this makes you feel better in your time of grief. I know exactly what it is like to have a teen that manipulaltes us thru social isolation-and this is what your child is doing.....it is a form of bullying.
My soon to be sixteen year old son hasn't spoken with my husband, and my son's father on and off for a year now;the latest stint has lasted for 3.5 months,(and when I mean he won't talk to him I literally mean that), my Son runs away when my Husband comes into the same proximity as him. Worst of all my Son uses me,(his Mom), as a "go between" to meet his needs,(why would he need his Dad is I am at his disposal)??
I know firsthand the absolute pain that this causes.....it is all consuming.
Have you tried to seek a professional MD's opinion as to whether or not there are underlying issues such as depression or other chemical imbalnces.
Try to hang in there and know that these are tough years and you certainly are not alone....nothing lasts forever, including this turbulence!

[Mike Bradley]

Dear Jennylynn,
Please pardon this late response--the website has been giving us fits.
"Hating" you since he was 13 is unfortunately a common disclosure in homes with teenagers, one that usually represents some current struggle for your son, not years of hidden hatred. Try to sidestep his provocations and focus on that family therapy to see what he is really upset about. When he uses hurtful words such as those, don't argue his premise, just affirm his pain: "I'm so sorry it feels like that for you. What can we do to help?"
If he's been perfect up to now, give thanks for your luck but get ready for some "normal teen craziness." The odds are huge that you all will survive just fine.
Take care.

[lotusconsulting]

Glad to know that I'm not the only one a teen literally refuses to speak to. I never thought of it as an isolation technique or bullying, but thats really a huge part of it. As my 17 year old, seems to be also gloating at the fact I can't contact him, and he won't respond to any contacts. It doesn't seem normal to me.

It's been killing me, as I'm a communicator, and always direct about my thoughts and feelings.

Any suggestions on getting them to talk or respond? Granted I now live in a different location that my son now, due to other circumstances, and he won't respond to phone or email.

Keep us updated on how it goes with your teens ignoring techniques.