Academic Disaster

[helpmehelphim]

I'm the 44 year old mom of three. I have a 17 year son, 15 1/2 year old daughter and 4 year old daughter, I also have a 17 year old stepson and 20 year old stepdaughter. They all lived with us full time until the 20 year old moved out a few years ago. We've been through the horrible times with our 20 year old and she's doing much better now, so I do see light at the end of the tunnel. However, my 17 year old son is now a GREAT challenge. I suspect both of the boys are of the "party" section regarding drugs and alcohol, though I have no recent proof. My 17 year old son has gone through a great deal of rage and rebellion during the past 4 years. However, the rebellion part is starting to settle down. My problem with him now is that although he plays football and attends a great school (where he has been since early elementary), he puts forth almost no academic effort. He procrastinates on every homework assignment and school project. I end up standing over him like a first grader and every night is a battle. If he falls below a certain grade point average by the end of the semester he will be dismissed from this school and right now he is certainly below that. This would be heartbreaking for him right before his senior year, but that doesn't seem to affect him right now. He can't seem to comprehend consequences for more than a day ahead of time. He is very charming, good looking and bright, he works hard on the football field, but that's about the only place. He's also extremely ADHD. The counselor who tested him told me that he is the most ADHD child she's ever tested who hasn't been expelled from school or arrested. I don't know if that's a compliment or what?? He can be loving, but then on the other hand can be very bullying to me or his 15 year old sister. The book is very helpful with the everyday behavior, but I don't know how to handle the complete lack of effort in the classroom. I've recieved two emails from his teachers this week telling me that he isn't doing anything. HELP!

[Mike Bradley]

Dear Mom,
You need to move immediately to get him evaluated by a pediatric psychiatrist or neurologist for possible medication. If the counselor is correct, the right med can make a world of difference for your son.
Please let us know how you make out with this.

[helpmehelphim]

He has been evaluated and I failed to make it clear that he is on medication. However, he had just been switched to Daytrana after the Christmas break. It was a lower dose than the normal Concerta he had previously taken. The dosage has been increased to 30MG patches. He also finally realized where his grades were. He has put forth much more effort during these past two weeks and made MUCH better grades. I am communicating with his teachers via email every couple of days. I'm getting much better responses from them. He does still have a great big hole to dig himself out of. I am probably much too controlling regarding his school work (micro managing). However, its tough to sit back when I don't trust his effort to be consistent. Should I just let him do everything on his own (or not) and allow him to fail and have to change schools. I waiver between doing this and letting him learn a lesson and struggling to keep him in school where he is. I'm afraid if he loses everything he has now, I'll have trouble keeping him in school at all. He has several really good friends who are good students that are willing to help him.. He's studying with them tonight. I've stressed to them how important it is that he make a's and b's right now. Hopefully this will help him to learn to study without procrastinating and fighting with me.

[ovr40mom]

dear help me, I hope you can find a post of mine from Sept or Oct 2005 and Dr. Bradley's reply. We did all the things Dr. Bradley suggested and as a result of the therapist's suggestion, we had to ultimately sit back and let our child do school "on their own" to repair our relationship with our child. It was an academic disaster which resulted in our making a difficult but great decision to change schools against our child's wishes

We were very fortunate in the school we found. Our child is now academically independent, making mostly A's and a couple of Bs without any oversight on our part, is self confident, has made new friends while keeping old school friends and our household dynamics have changed 100%. What our child really wanted was to do school on on their own and have us disgengage from the micromanagement. Our child has just been "released" from therapy after a year and at the moment we have a happy and successul child.

this is by way of a thanks to Dr. B and update but your postings struck home with me. Good luck

[jannie]

over 40,

i'm having the same prob as "help me" w/ my daughter. she consistantly gets D's. We've tried to allow her to take responsibilty for her grades and so far getting no where. Did you put your child in a private school? My daughter is in public school. I'm afraid she'll do just as poorly at another school just to "show us" and then we have the added expense of a private school that we really can't afford anyway.