Teens Are Crazy! ? for Doc Bradley

[Lemsaw]

In your book, you state that "prolonged ….insanity of an adolescent..reflects a problem with the family as a whole. I think this statement is too general.

I'm pretty good at taking a good look at myself and my family. I'm not sure how my daughter's (almost 17) depression, cutting, raging, lack of impulse control, lying are because of my poor parenting skills.

I think that is a lot to put on any parent who is already struggling to raise a teen (whom you yourself say are "crazy".)

Not to say we are without blame. I recently heard a parent tell her son (while waiting in the therapists office), "that is why you don't have any friends….." A very damaging comment.

As far as needs are concerned, L.'s seem to always come before the families. We make sacrifices financially so that she can attend the private high school she wanted (which is also an excellent high school with an outstanding academic record). So she doesn't just dictate to us.

Every Saturday is family night. We have pizza, play a game or watch a movie together. Recently, L. does seem to be in a rush to get to her friends or computer/cell phone, but we have her attention and she has ours for a while at least. She and I go to movies together. I listen attentively as she tells talks to me, a lot about her friend's problems and how teachers and school projects she is either enjoying or not.

I listened as she raged and called me a bitch. That was difficult, I've never been called a bitch before. She also stated she could not live with me anymore. This was months ago and she is still living with me, so she must have changed her mind.

I'm far from perfect. The first time she raged at me, I didn't respond very well. It was so unlike her. I've learned. I'm extroverted; L. is introverted.

She has an excellent relationship with her father (stepfather-remarried when Lauren was 5). They painted her room together using handprints from friends she invited over. He taught her to take care of the truck and change the oil. The usually get along well. He is in the Air Force and currently serving a 14 mo tour in Afghanistan. I feel I've modeled strength during adversity.

I have bipolar disorder and have been stable and in recovery for many years. I take care of myself and we keep a healthy environment. I've never cut, raged or lacked impulse control.

I consider L.'s needs. In fact, my therapist and doctor have said more than once that I need to take care of myself more and not put L. first all the time. I work on this.

But here you are saying her needs are first and her bad behavior is somehow my lack of parenting skills and bad modeling.

I'm all of self improvement. Please give me your insight. I think you are laying a lot on parents. Most of us are doing our best. If not, tell me how.

[think2create]

I read the book and I didn't take any offense to the fact that us as parents need to really look deep inside of ourselves and assess our own behaviors that we model to our children. I think it's a good idea for all parents with small children and teens.

I too am Bipolar and have been stable. But I put my kids through hell with my depression and manic episodes. I never verbally or physically abused my kids, but I yelled alot when something ticked me off. When I was depressed my older daughter took care of me. On top of all that, I am a perfectionist. I thought I was the perfect mother because I was always there for my daughter. I encouraged her to follow her dreams and be independent (at the same time, I became dependent upon her for love) . I stayed home most of the time to raise her. But, just these last few years, she has confronted me with how my Bipolar episodes prior to my treatment and sometimes even during had effected her. My moods were unstable, and she never knew what kind of mood I'd be in when she came home from school. I spent a lot of money during my manic phases and got us into debt. We had to file bankruptcy. I would say we don't have the money for this or that then get depressed and days later go buy it. She had witnessed so many conflicts within myself which without my knowledge affected her sooo much. She was confused and her world felt unstable and inconsistant. She had her ways of self medicating or escaping. She absolutely had no respect for me when she was a teen. I don't blame her! I can only own up to my part and I apologized to her very sincerely. However, now she is in counseling and she also has to own up to her part. Enough rambling.

What I got out of Dr. Bradley's wonderful book was just take a look at your own self first to make sure you are being a good model for your child. They will let us know one day!!!

And yes, I agree with you about you have to take care of your own mental, emotional and physical well being first... so you can then take good care of your children's. This of course, is not so easy.