16 yr old- comes and goes when he wants!

[Tmy111]

Hello everyone- My husband and I are having problems with our 16 yr old son. He got sent home from school yesterday and knowing that he was going to be in trouble at home- he just didn't come home. He has done this in the past- and usually comes home Sunday night- Says his typically "Sorry" and expects us to forget it all happened the next day. My husband and I are getting really tired of this! My son doesn't take responsibility for ANY of his actions- its ALWAYS somebody else's fault- even when its so obvious that he is at fault. So when you dont recognize that there is a problem then it won't get fixed. He tunes us out when we speak to him and takes all advice very personally. He doesn't think before he speaks or acts so this gets him into trouble. Summer is coming and he's not coming and going when he likes. I'm really starting to dislike him and right now I don't care if I lock all the doors and tell him to go find a better place to live. Any suggestions anyone?

[Mike Bradley]

Dear Parent,
You might want to view your son's disregard of limits as possibly being the minor indicator of a larger and more serious problem, one which will likely require family counseling to address. In that light, start with the least confrontational approach and work up from there. First, suggest to him that the family (not just he) needs some help to address these issues. If he resists, ask him to go at least one time, and if he dislikes the counselor, offer to find another. If he continues to refuse, dispassionately tell him that his disregard of rules may suggest that he needs to find another place to live, but that you would hate to have that happen, and again suggest counseling as an alternative. Finally, warn him that he is also stating that he is done with recognizing your authority as a parent, and so accordingly you may need to start to withdraw his privileges until you guys can work this out (he might be terribly shocked to hear that he has no constitutional right to a cell phone or allowance).
I'd avoid changing the locks unless he becomes threatening. First, it can provoke new dramatic and dangerous behaviors that can make his present rebellion look tame. And second, in most states/provinces you cannot throw a child out of your home until he is 18. Once he learns that, your power play move can make you look foolish, and lose even more control over his behavior.
Please let us know how you make out.