Hello

[aspiebell]

My name is Clayton, and I have been diagnosed with aspergers (high-fuctioning atusim) and I am 15 yrs old. Lately I noticed that I have been very disrespectful and mean to my parents, but mostly my dad... and I cant find out why. I love him to death, but I just dont know why i am rude to him. I mean im nice to my mom most the time, but when I am rude to her, its not as bad as dad. I have researched and researched and this is where I ended up... on a parenting forum. So I was wanting to know if this is normal for a 15 yr old teenager with aspergers. Please respond ASAP...

P.S. - Dad, I Love You

[Mike Bradley]

Dear Clayton,
It's absolutely normal for you to have those feelings towards your father at your age. It has to do with the fact that you and he are sort of competitors now as two "men" of the family. At this age sons often become intolerant and critical, suddenly seeing flaws in their dads that make them crazy. The dads meanwhile often get a little cold and critical towards their sons, trying to "toughen them up" for their impending adulthoods.

I think that you are a very special young man for having noticed this and especially for wanting to make things better. Try taking your dad out for a coffee and just talking about how you feel, straight-up, maybe showing him this letter. I'd bet that your father felt just the same towards his father at around your age. I'd also bet that by the time your mocha-latte is gone so will many of your negative feelings about your dad.

My final bet is that your family feels blessed to have such a great son.

Take care.

[aspiebell]

Ok,
Thank you for your quick responce! but is there anything i can do to "help" this problem, or will it probably even-out over time?

[aspiebell]

Ok,
Thank you for your quick responce! but is there anything i can do to "help" this problem, or will it probably even-out over time?

and also, when "pointing out flaws" what do you mean by that?

[Mike Bradley]

By seeing flaws I mean that at your age you will see all the imperfections in your father that you likely didn't see when you were younger and he seemed like a superhero to you.
And yes, this will go away on its own as you and your dad live through these sometimes difficult days. It will go away faster the more you are able to talk it out with your dad.

A hundred years ago the writer Mark Twain found this to be true for himself when he said: "When I was a boy of 14, my father was so ignorant I could hardly stand to have the old man around. But when I got to be 21, I was astonished at how much the old man had learned in seven years."
Take care.

[aspiebell]

Ok,
Me and my dad are going out today for some coffee. I will lit you know how things go.