Angry and Hurt 16 yr old
I am new to this forum. I have read and re-read "Yes, Your teen Is crazy" and I try to use the stratagies. Many of them have helped.
My son is so hurt and angry about all the changes that have happened in his/our life and his anger is getting out of control. His dad - my estranged husband - is an active alcoholic and living in another town with his girlfriend. (The woman that he left for me 25 years ago!) His older brother has moed away to go to college. Our finances are very slim...we have lived on my small salary and help from mother-in-law for the past many years. His dad lost his job over 8 yars ago and as the drinking escalated, he has not been able to keep a job and so has not been any financial support all these years.
My son has been acting out at school (by his dress and his behavior) and at home. This started in middle school and has gotten worse as he gets older. He has been very violent - putting his hand through a window, throwing things, threatening to hit me, etc. His has been sent away from his high school to the alternative school in our town and he has bee suspended from there twice...he was almost expelled the last time. he has finally started talking to a therapist through the alternative school...and he talked to her!!!
At home his moods darken. He can be okay and then all of a sudden he his out of control. He does not stay at home any longer than he has to and is usually gone to friends every weekend and over holidays. During this past holiday he was only home 3 nights and he ended up very angry 2 of those. I try very hard to escalate with him to stay calm and to the point or to walk away - as Dr. Bradley and AL Anon tell me to do. It works most of the time.
I do know that he has been smoking weed and I suspect that he is doing more (pills). This has happened in the past and I feel that I an seeing that kind of anger from him again.
I am worried that he will not be able to control himself when he goes back to school and he will ruin any chances he has of getting back to his regular high school. Is there anything else that I can do...he is taller and stronger than me so there is not much I can "make' him do.
Help and thanks!
As you can sense, your son is at a critical crossroad right now where he could easily become an addict like his father. He is filled with pain he cannot sort out and drugs will increasingly look like a great antidote for that pain.
Call that therapist with whom your son has connected (there's your blessing) and ask for a joint session for you and you son to talk out your concerns. Separately with that helper ask about possible medications for him since your kid might be helped tremendously by the right med, a measure that can reduce his tendency towards addiction.
Please move quickly and keep us posted.
Dr. Mike Bradley