Daughter Dating Juvenile Delinquent
My 15 year old daughter has a boyfriend that was arrested for involvement in a robbery. He has a history of drugs and getting into trouble in general. I have told her I cannot allow her to keep seeing him as this has crossed the boudary. Of course, she has and is still threatening to move to her father's. Unfortunately, her father has moved in with another man (just a roommate) and rents a bedroom, so when my daughter is with him on his scheduled weekends, they have to share the same bed with a pillow between them or at times, he sleeps on the floor (according to my daughter). So to have a 15 yr. old girl LIVE in that environment is just not an option to me. To make matters worse, her father is condoning this relationship between my daughter and this boy and while he is in jail, he is allowing her to spend the night at this boy's house because my daughter has also befriended his sister which is also an unhealthy environment as the mother lets her children drink....well, only on special occasions per my daughter. I happen to know different from doing my "investigative" work. Additionally, her father is allowing my daughter to lie to me, and keep things from me because of "my reaction" to the situation. They both say I do not give people chances. I've told her I do give peple chances, but in certain situations, I know the outcome and this is my job, to protect her from possible dangerous situations.
Actually her father knew about her boyfriend's arrest two weeks before I found out. Her father and I obviously are not on the same page. He wants to be her buddy and I want to be a parent, which has made me the bad guy and is making it very difficult. My daughter and I are in counseling but she is still pretty stubborn and won't budge too much at this point. I just do not know what to do.
I'm also worried about the father's living arrangements. She doesn't need adult men in the same house with her on the weekends, even if they are friends of your ex, there is increased risk of molestation.
Keep trying to get counseling..She needs to be with you so you can work on your relationship.
Job one is for you and her father to get on the same parenting page, and fast! All of the other issues (boyfriend, drinking, inappropriate sleep arrangements) can be handled well with a professional mediator there.
Ask your ex to attend a few sessions with you with your daughter's helper (counselor) to talk these issues out. Explain to him that while he and you might wish to never see each other again, you guys must work together for the sake of your daughter. She is at a critical crossroads right now so please move quickly.
Dr. Mike Bradley
Thank you for the advice. Since my first posting, I did manage to speak with my daughter's father. He stands firm about how he doesn't feel there is anything wrong with her going to her boyfriend's house (he currently is still in Jail) and visit the sister. He thinks he knows the mother well enough to believe she would never give my daughter alcohol. He thinks I am being too overprotective and how I cannot/should not keep her from her friends as she will just rebel even more. I tried to explain I do not, just from "friends" and their families who do not have the same values as I do. But this is how her father is...he deflects from himself and makes me feel I am the one that is parenting incorrectly. Furthermore, he is very happy he and my daughter are "friends". Sooo frustrating. I even tried reverse psychology on him by telling him I see how good of a father he is trying to be and of course that made his chest puff up even more. As far as my relationship with my daughter, this past week as been better and I know she is getting frustrated with her boyfriend being away. And some of her friends have questioned the situation as well. But she keeps saying how she is going to give him "one more chance" and if he screws up, that is going to be it. I heard he is reading the bible now and vows to her that he will never screw up again. I've been around the block like most of us have and I have serious doubts he is going to change. Especially if his family environment isn't healthy. In the meantime, I just cannot bring myself to allow her to see him even though I know she will behind my back. Am I suppose to cave in to her every request even though I KNOW it can be potentially harmful to her? Even to look at this boy just infuriates me. I THINK he might be released this next week and am afraid she is going to become very defensive again. The positive is that our next counseling appt. is this week as well. It's a wonder parents survive teenage years! This is such a roller coaster!! uggg