This is my first posting to this forum. I've appreciated everyone's sharing here. Parenting a teen can be an extremely lonely venture, and I really could use some support.
My daughter, a freshman in high school, has been experimenting with all sorts of adolescent "boundary pushing" the last few months, including organizing a secret overnight booze party with her friends, skipping out of class, and running off to a guy's house late one night without telling me where she was (I finally had to track her down by calling the police). Her normally decent grades have been slipping, and though we can still talk about things, she is very hostile to any sort of structure or agreements that she perceives as curbing her freedom.
Given the events of the last few months, my trust in her judgment and inclination to live up to her agreements IS pretty low. Still, I am letting her go to the prom this Saturday with a 17 year old guy--a junior. This is the very same one who whisked her off to his house a couple months ago late at night, when I had no idea where she was. My impression of him and the supervision he receives in his home is not good, but nonetheless, I've allowed him to come over to our house to hang out (under my watchful eye), and I've let my daughter go to the local hamburger joint to socialize with him and other friends.
So, the current problem is, after the prom, my daughter wants to go to this guy's house and spend the night. When she told me this, I thought, what planet are you living on??? She says, "Oh Mom, nothing will happen! What are you worried about? We are just going to watch movies. It's okay with HIS mom." (YIKES!!)
I tried to calm myself down and said I understood it was a big night and she wanted to have fun, but staying over at a guy's house at her age, whether something would "happen" or not, was not appropriate. I said that either I or her dad would be picking her up at the prom (which ends at midnight). I do not want her to be given a ride home by this guy, or anyone from his circle of friends--one of whom was charged last month with a road rage assault incident and involved in a high speed chase with police! That's the one who is escorting her girlfriend to the prom!
My daughter is extremely upset with me; screams, calls me bad names, etc. I'm worried we are in for a big confrontation, which may set off even worse behavior on her part. I also wonder, is this "normal" now for young teens to expect to have co-ed sleepovers?? I just can't agree to it. But am I totally out of it? I am no prude, and have talked with her about sex, safety, relationships, etc. Still, this seems beyond the pale.
Any thoughts or suggestions would be much appreciated.