Family & Friends Hid My Son - He Refuses to Speak!
I feel so much for everything I read here, and would like to share my own, to see if I can get some insight, or if I'm truly crazy.
My husband walked out on me and my son (17) last Oct. I made a financial decision to move in temporarily with a friend as I was working on a job offer out of the country.
I looked for a smaller place of our own, but in the meantime this friend and a mother, started "mothering" my son, she didn't work, I did, she was getting close to him, and telling us both things that weren't true the other had said that created separation. Every time I would try to talk to my son about it, especially since we had ALWAYS been very close. He would refuse to even acknowlege me, and go talk to this friend. When I approached her, she said, yeah I just dont' know.
I decided I had to get out of there, and moved in with another friend at this point. Granted this had NEVER happened before, and we had always had a stable and nice home. So we both felt displaced. I was now preparing to move out of the country and proposing the move to my son. Who didn't like the idea.
Things deteriorated, and he fought with me about EVERYTHING. He wouldn't talk, and I keep it open that I acknowledged the recent moves, me trying to work it out with my husband, thinking of moving for a new job, and trying to keep everything else the same for him, was hard and not his fault. He said I was controlling him, and he was going to his grandmas. The grandmother and other family members had not been helping, and assisting him in not listening to me. If I set a rule, and curfew, they would enable or even assist if he didnt want to do it. I asked them to stop interferring. They didn't .After a few days with his grandmother, I thought he would cool down. I sent a text I loved him and would pick him up. He refused. I called the grandmother, who said he didnt want to live with me, he didn't need to come home. This is after many months of negative interference from them.
She refused to bring him, and I had to take the police to see if he was there, because previous tries for me to get him, ensued in a physical attack, not on my part. She said we couldn't come in, and claimed that I was abusing him. The police said that she needed to stay out of it, and send my son home.
After I got messages from my son, saying that I was a liar and abuser, stuff he had never said before, and I was harrasssing grandma. Then it got more wierd messages saying he wasn't safe with me, and he had to turn himself in. I sent messages I loved him, and no matter what he did, it wouldn't change and he needed to come home. The next day was his 17th birthday. Not a word, and I couldn't locate, him, or get a response from any family member or adult. I reported him as a runaway, but figured I'd hear from him next day.
I showed up at his school the next morning with cake for class and a singing telegram (planned a month before) he is nowhere to be found. I can't get a hold of anyone and am freaking out.
Needless to say, I got a call two days later, from the first friend we stayed with who said she took him two days ago to the state and they claimed he wasn't safe, and she would not tell me where he was, but no one had any example of any so called abuse. Still no call from ANY adult, at that time she coordinated with the grandmother, and some how got ahold of his biological father 45 minutes away. (who had not been around for 17 years) my son had meet with him 6 times, ever. They keep him at the biological fathers house. and no one in all this time thought this was wierd or they should figure out what these safety cliams where or what was really going on? All this time he is missing.
Since that day, over 4 months ago, my son has never been the same to me, is disrespectful, has manipulated so many things, lies, and tells me I'm abusing him, if I even raise my voice a little. I feel insane, and can't understand not only why people who knew I've never abused my son, friend and family, could hide him and enable all this.? Months later, after 2 months of counseling, things seemed better, I was really trying to hear his side, but I had to leave for my job outside of the country. He was to stay temporarily with the biological father, who was now this knight in shining armour. He refused to go with me, or get on the plane, after agreeing he would. I've sent almost daily emails, tried to call people, and get some answers. The last thing he emailed to me 2 months ago, was I don't want to have anything to do with you, you don't know me, maybe one day far away I will let you into my life.
Previous conversations with the biological father and little with the so called family, none with the friend. It is clear, they have no clue what is going on, but say, he's a good kid, and we are going to support him. A GOOD KID, YES I KNOW, I raised him on my own. Where were these people then?
There is so much to this story, I hope someone, takes the time to read and respond.
I'm devasted and freaking out. My son refuses to respond to me. I'm 6000 miles away. Should I just go back, pick him, up force him to come, ignore him, keep sending the email, photos, take legal action, etc.? Also no one has legal custody of him but me, and he IS still 17.
I've called other friends that still live there to try and locate him, since I am not sure he is even living with the biological father as when I left.
Help, any insight to this?