I want to answer you as a mom and as someone who stood just at the same crossroads as you not long ago. And just as you, I was horrified over a ton of scary choices and felt paralyzed in trying to decide which road to take. You just mull it over and over and no matter how much you think about it, you can't forsee where it'll all end or what path is *right*.
After killing myself with the decisions, circumstances escalated to a point where my son was willing to go to an in-patient rehab. for "an assessment" which included packing his suitcase as he was most likely going to be admitted. The assessment was very well done and he just sort of went along with the admission since he had huge consequences with the court hanging over him, although this was NOT court mandated. What followed was the turning point in his life. Being away from the outside world/influences and being forced through intensive and sometimes confrontational groups, plus daily individual sessions, NA/AA and education, structured day, eating well, ALL of it, came together to help him to admit the most critical thing......that he DID have a problem. I later came to understand from this program that almost no one goes in thinking that they do and that it is a misconception that they have to go there seeking help and admitting to a problem. The couselors in this program saw their job as getting them to that point AFTER they come in. I think even those who say they see they have a problem don't really get it until afterwards. My son told me that he went there with no intention of stopping drug use/drinking. But after 2 weeks it was like a light went off, aided by being in an environment where he COULDN'T use and allowing enough time for his drug adled thinking to clear.
I think the most important thing is to get her into an environment that is intensive and pulls her from her crowd. In -Pt. rehab. is covered by insurance. I debated Wilderness programs and I think they serve a purpose but am very glad we went the in-pt. rehab. route. I don't think she can be physically forced there, but if there is any way to coax her for going for an assessment with the possibility of admission...even if it involves bribery or telling her how she'll have time off from school to do this, anything that can work it could be a turning point for her. However, I totally agree with Dr. Bradley that if she needs medication, that should be addressed first and the in-pt rehabs. all have dual diagnosis specialties. There develops in a good place a comraderie and an atmosphere that really can help the healing and recovering. The place my son went was a great atmosphere and strange as this sounds I found myself wishing that I could retreat to this place myself for a month!
I also want to respond to your statement about needing support for yourselves. The weight and fears of this kind of crisis take a devastating toll. I waited to get support until I felt like I was disintegrating to where I might never be able to pull together and yet kept going and kept fighting for my son with every breath I took. Sounds dramatic, but it was how it felt. I'm still struggling with post traumatic stress related to the time period and thankfully have found a counselor who understands all of it and has helped me through, both in helping to guiding my decisions with my teen through thick and thin and in helping ME to recover when things settled. It truly kept me going and was essential to healing after he pulled through this terrible time. Any help and support you receive for yourselves translates into additional help for your daughter.
Whatever path you take, your daughter has involved parents behind her who understand what's at stake and that will serve her beyond any choice.
Good luck....my heart aches for you in these difficult decisions.
"The world is full of story shapes."