Resent & Anger Creating Teen Controller
Its been a rough year in changes in our lives. In a time of transition last year, (moving out of our home, staying temporarily with a friend, job transfer out of the country, separation from my husband) I told my 17 year old teen I would keep things as consistent as possible for him. However a power struggle ensurged, and he was vunerable to other adults comments, negative to our family.
Just when we needed support, it seemed that everyone jumped on board to do the opposite, my family, his bilogical father not around for 17 years, friends etc., to encourage his negative behavior to me etc., ensued in running away, police, crisis counseling, more pulling away, more anger etc., breaking rules, manipulation....he is really controlling everyone around him, and using tactics that concern me in entering adulthood.
I had a date to leave for a new job, he refused to go with, and we agreed, with counseling he would come for the summer with me and retuen to finish his senior year in his current school. As my leave date became imminent, he pushed away more, told me I could´nt control him, refused to listen, disappeared, lied, and basically became more resentful, even though I was becoming more tender, repeating I love you´s, and essentially trying to get through. I was in shock and confused....
Is it that the date of my leaving left him feeling he was going to be alone, homeless, abandoned, and was using this push and angry comments at me to save himself? Since I left 5 months ago, I´ve called, emailed, texted, etc., and got no answer, then finally some answers of pure spite and anger. I´ve continued to stay positive and have tried to get some answers on his feelings....(he says I don´t want you in my life, you have 5 months until i´m 19 to prove your worth being in my life, i won´t talk to you again after i´m 18 etc) I´ve now found that his biological father transfered him to a school 45 minutes away from the orginal plan and his high school of three years, the only reason, inlcuding his same friends, why he was to stay there and refused to transfer with me for my job.... he is partying, not doing any of his prior extracurricular activities, broke up with his girlfriend of a year, doesn´t hang out with the same friends etc....now swears he is joining the military, and that he is SO much happier without me.
I´m on the verge of quitting my career and going back to ensure him I´m there, and getting him back into his school, his career goals etc.....balance....
Will that be taking away his choices and right to make mistakes? I really feel his soul and spirit are breaking, and he is angry with me. Should I go back, and how do I appraoch it, when I have so much resistence with him, and the other "adults" surrounding him.
I really look forward to help on this....Thanks!