Hi,

I am worried about how to handle my 18 year old son. He is a freshman in college and struggles with ADHD and learning issues. I knew that he had started using marijuana as a senior in HS and have talked to him on multiple occasions about it leading to other drugs. Recently, he called to tell me that someone had hit his new car in the lot of his college housing. He claimed it was hit and run. We pressed him to tell us the truth and he swore that that was what happened. He dragged his feet going to the police to file a report, finally going 3 days after it happened.

Recently, he lost his phone and I found it a few days later when the snow melted outside. The water damage caused his password protection to not work. I was curious as to whether he was telling us the truth and looked through his text messages. Not only did I find out that his friend had crashed my son's car but also read about other friends buying drugs and alcohol for their mutual use. Most of it was pot but there was also mention of crack purple kush. From what I can tell, that is pot laced with crack.

My husband and I confronted our son imediately (probably too soon -- we should have given it the 24 hour wait period) and although he initially denied lying, finally confessed that his friend did crash the car. Now we have to deal with the fact that he has filed a false police report, a false insurance claim, and continues to smoke and drive. He thinks he isn't doing drugs by smoking pot and can handle it. He also told us (confirmed by his sisters) that he was doing harder drugs and stopped and claims he is the one to tell his friends not to do the hard ones.

I know I was wrong to read the private messages but it is too late for that now. My husband and I don't know how much to push in order to protect him from this drug use. Do we take away his car? For how long? Mandate drug testing? Or try to tell him we believe he will make the right decisions while sharing our concerns and the facts about pot and its dangers?

He is the second oldest of 6 children. I worry about the others watching how we handle this situation.

Please help me form a strategy.

Thanks.