I'm afraid he's going to wind up in jail!

[MarlaInMagnolia]

I keep telling myself he’s only 14. Remember how close you used to be. Remember how bright and full of life he was. The optimum word being WAS.
Our son has been suspended from school (several times internal and now external) for cursing at a teacher among other things. He thinks rules are for other people. Of coarse he’s always been a bit of a non conformist. Every year since kindergarten we’ve been called in to be told “Dylan is very bright, but…” He is disruptive, he calls out, he bangs his head on the desk if he gets an answer wrong, he’s rude to other children, he’s rude to the teachers, he doesn’t know how to edit his internal conversation…
He did some counseling and testing and had help in the classroom from about 4th grade to 7th when the child psychology team felt he was ready for full mainstream.
It feels like he’s gone to the "Darkside” and I hope we can get him back before he gets himself into serious trouble. The police have already brought him home in a cruiser once. He refuses to try more counseling. We got him to one session, but he didn’t like the counselor. He’s smoking pot and who knows what else. We took him to the ER one morning after he was out all night (yes, he’s 14!) and he “only” tested positive for THC, so they didn’t recommend processing him into the crisis center. What do we do? Wait until he’s a drug addict, high school drop out, criminal?
We take away privileges and he laughs in our face and simply does what he wants. He knows we won’t take physical measures (although at times I’d like to slap his foul mouth) and he knows we can’t throw him out at this point. What leverage do we really have?? I don’t know how long I can live like this.

[Mike Bradley]

Dear Mom,
You and your hubby need to get to a counselor (who specializes in adolescence) for yourselves, and you need to do it yesterday. For the fact is that there is a great deal that you CAN do to get this kid under control, but you may have become so demoralized and scared that you can't see the power that you guys do have. That power can range anywhere from providing incentives, to removing privileges to even perhaps (if it becomes warranted) getting your kid arrested so that a court then forces him to get the treatment he so desperately needs and so angrily fights. But you need an expert to get a full history from you so that she/he can help you create a tailor-made plan to save your son's life.
Please act soon. Your son is likely at a crossroads where his next year could determine the rest of his life, and his outrageous behaviors are really a cry for help from the smart part of him that has lost control to his own "dark side."
Good luck.

[MarlaInMagnolia]

My son is in a Behavioral Health unit after a "poly pharma event." It's been quite a week.

[Mike Bradley]

Dear Parent,
As awful as things seem right now, your family might actually have been gifted with your kid's recent crisis. Hospital food (being admitted for treatment) can help kids to look at drugs a tad differently, and your family might finally be on the road to getting the help that it needs. Too often drug use goes on semi-secretly for several years making it all the more difficult to treat when it finally explodes into the open. Having this out in the open at age 14 is a good thing.
Take care and please keep us posted.

[greathill]

Hi - I just started reviewing this forum. I've been reading Mike's book and found the forum on his website. I have two teenagers and our currently 19 year old son gave us terrible problems at the same age as your son. arrested, suspended, etc etc. it was a terrible time but we came through it. He is far from perfect but he is starting to understand balance and moderation and achievement. He is also starting to realize his parents may know best. Our daughter is the problem now. she is 15 and giving us a terrible time. She has started experimenting with drugs, her grades have gone downhill and her friends are trainwrecks. This all came about so suddenly (within months). We are working on it and sometimes these forums can be enormously comforting. Please keep me informed about your son. I will keep you in my prayers.

Betsy

[MarlaInMagnolia]

They are trying aren't they? My daughter came first and we thought she was ready for high school. Honor student, accomplished fencer (foil and saber), good core of friends, etc., etc. She had a total melt down. She quit everything and descended into the darkness. We fought tooth and nail to keep her above it but she was having nothing of it. 3 hospitalizations, years of therapy, loser boyfriend who she moved in with (in his mothers basement)... the good news is she has now her own apartment in the same town we live in, she is working and dedicated to her art work, considering taking some business classes at the community college. She stayed away for a while thinking that she had ruined the relationship for good. We told her we loved her and it could be repaired. We would work on a new grown-up relationship. She has been very helpful with our son during all this turmoil. I think she is seeing it through different eyes now. It's not anger, it's worry, we are not the enemy, we are support and love. She seems more relaxed around us now. Something positive.
Things with our son are...going okay. School is still an issue. He does just enough to pass. He has a nice girl friend. He met her at his evening program. (not sure if that's a good thing) she lives near and comes for dinner often. We have an appointment with an individual counselor that was recommended. Keep moving forward. I frequently go back to Dr. Bradley's books. They keep reminding me... I still want to know what his Mother did when he went joy riding til the middle of the night!