is it ever right to kick them out?

[TLV]

My 18 year old son uses marajhauna. I kicked him out of the house 2 weeks ago after he ripped the thermostat off my wall in anger. He now wants to come home. He has apologized and sounds very sincere. He still has one year of high school left. He has agreed to all of my conditions to come home except for going to rehab. He has agreed also to get regular drug testing done but told me that it will be positive for marajhauna at times. He doesn't see the seriousness of it. I want to allow him to come home but I don't know if I should really play hard ball with the drug testing...whats the point of doing it if I don't? Is it ever "right" to kick your kid out of the house? How much can I or should I try to control his drug use? How do I be a good mother in all of this?? All my friends tell me that I should not waver. The rage is a pattern with him as well. The drugs also affect him in a very negative way...skipping school...lethargy...laziness...no motavaition...forgetfullness....
I just don't know what to do??

[Mike Bradley]

Dear Mom,
It is critical that you hold the line on this, that NO drug use is acceptable. Do not argue with him as to whether or not weed is a "drug" (it is, and an addictive one at that), but calmly tell him that sobriety is the price of staying in your home. When he rages and refuses quietly say, "So you're unwilling to give up that 'non-addictive, non-drug to have a nice place to live? Wow! That drug must be terribly important to you. You know, I heard a Dr. Bradley once say that addiction is best defined by the price you pay to use. What do you think?"
Keep us posted.

[TLV]

Thanks so much for your reply Dr. Bradley! By the time I read it I had already "made a deal" with Stephen to come home - he paid me for the new thermostat and agreed to attend 2 meetings at our city's drug addiction centre (which he hasn't done yet). After reading your reply I think I should have told him that he had to provide me with regular "clean" drug tests in order to live at home. He came home high last night which reinforced my thinking. Im reading your book but I haven't gotten to the part about what to do about drug abuse (almost there). He knows I have zero tollerance for drug use in my home but I agree with you that its time to raise the bar. Im not sure how to do that, since Ive already made an agreement with him.
Your book has been life changing for me - I wish I would have read it 5 years ago! I bought the companion one for teens which is also great. Thanks so much for the work you do!! I feel like I can actually relate to my son now as I have new insight into what he is living and who he is.