Out of control teen with anger issues
My son is now 17. We caught his girlfriend sneaking into his room to spend the night, and told him she's no longer welcome at our house. We were calm, not excited, but set the rule. He got mad, threatened my husband with a knife, threw the knife at the door (2-3 feet from my husband), and left. Has not returned home for 3 days.
We reported this as domestic violence (on advice of my parent support group) since letting him think he can get away with it is a disservice to him. There's a warrent out for his arrest. He sneaked home and showered yesterday when we were out.
I am frazzled, terrified the police will catch him and be brutal, terrified that if he comes back I will have to call them. Any advice or thoughts welcome.
Update: he's in juvenile detention now. I'm relieved he got there without disaster. Have had a lot of support from my parent support group - I highly recommend a support group for parents with problem teens. I couldn't make it otherwise.
I thought I would give you guys an update. Our son left home at 16 and a half, moved in with the girlfriend and her developmentally disabled mother, where he stayed for nearly 2 years. Then the mother kicked them both out as the GF was stealing from her. He stayed with other friends for a few months, then they sold their house and he had to leave. We let him come home on condition that he work or go to school. He's now enrolled in college, starting next month, and seems serious about it as he has found something he enjoys doing. He smokes some pot but not around us, and has managed to control his temper much better. He has matured a lot, and says he learned that being homeless is no fun and he appreciates what he has now. The girlfriend is also in school now, partly because of his encouragement, but he broke up with her.
I never gave up on him and always knew he would get his act together. Okay, he's not perfect now, but doing much better. I believe he will make it through the school program which is one or two years, and find a decent job. As Dr Bradley says, the previous stages were just a chapter in his life.
I was thrilled to read your update. We do take these things "one-day-at-a-time" but for now, please feel proud of the job you did getting your son through those terrible days. I hope other parents presently in the midst of those days can take hope from your story, and understand that a lot of parenting a troubled teen has to do with "playing for time," waiting for that brain to wire in the smarter circuits. Well done!
Last edited by Mike Bradley; 03-02-2013 at 01:41 PM.
Dr. Mike Bradley
Thank you so much for writing and letting us know things with your son are back on track. My son is 2 months/2 weeks away
Originally Posted by Entlover
from high school graduation. I wasn't sure we were going to make it (graduating on time). He's funny, smart, creative, talented,
has a big heart but has (untreated) ADHD and mood disorder, most likely bi-polar depression. He hates school and the last 4
years have been painful. He did online classes for a while and that helped relieve the pain of attending a big high school. He abuses
substances, mostly pot, and I cried for the first 3 months of this new phase. But that doesn't help, makes things worse. So, I
got counseling (he stopped all meds, counseling, psychiatry) and attend a parent ADHD support group. I wouldn't have made
it without that group and wouldn't have know what school services are available for kids like mine. My son and I have a very close
relationship and I know most of what he is doing is pretty normal for kids his age. He didn't get into trouble, is well-behaved
at school, is a loving son, friend, and brother. I'm so proud of him for continuing with his education. I'll be writing over the
next several months as we end this terrible phase about what works and what doesn't work. Primarily, we need to change our
4 years of general education in HS because we are losing bright kids like son and there are many, many of these kids who can't
succeed in high school as its currently structured. Then, in our community, we have pot dispensaries on every corner (what kind
of message is that to these kids?). He is maturing but slowly, I see progress, he's still immature for his age (17) but
what helps the most is love and patience as he figures out how to deal with the world.
Thanks again for sharing, Ami