15 year old daughter had sex

[jeanneo10]

I am devastated. My husband and I just discovered that our 15 year old had sex with her boyfriend of 7 months for the first time. She was very matter of fact about it when we confronted her and said that she didn't feel like it was a mistake; they had discussed it and they were both "ready." What do we do now?

We told her that we do not approve; she may think she is old enough, but she isn't on many levels, and have all three of us met with her therapist. We met with her boyfriend's parents, who feel the same way we do.

We know there must be a place between the one extreme of "you can't see each other ever again" and "Ok, honey, here's some birth control.. do what you want." I honestly don't know what to do. Please advise.

[Mike Bradley]

Step one is to call a meeting for these two kids with all the parents, and start asking some very unsexy questions such as, "What will you do if you guys (yes, plural) become pregnant." When they assure you that that won't happen, note that that happens a lot especially with teens supposedly using birth control, and ask if they think they're ready for sex, are they ready for the possible conseqences? If they breezily say "abortion" ask if they are truly OK with that, and if they know anyone who has had that done, and if that was easy for them. If they say they'd raise the child as their own, get out the pen and paper and start to create a budget of what that costs, and note that they would be entirely on their own with that since you think that would be a tragedy for both them and their child, and that they'd be paying for that decision the rest of their lives, meaning that college and career dreams would end. If they say "adoption" again ask if that would be hard to adopt out a child to whom you've given birth.
The goal here is to force them to "play the tape through" of sexual activity to the very unsexy realities of teen pregnancy, and to give them notice that they will be on their own with those consequences. That is intended to get them to make the right decision. Finally, ask for their word that they would not have sex if you allow them to see each other. If they say OK, add that you will need to take some safety precautions for awhile such as not allowing them access to places/times where sex might happen until you can trust their word again. Fifteen is simply too young for this, inspite of what their culture tells them.
Keep us posted.