seeking professional help

[Mrs. P]

I attended Dr. Mike's seminar this past week.
I know my son is smoking pot. It has hurt our relationship.
Where do I go to seek professional help? How do you find a dynamic counselor like Dr. Mike in your community?

[Mike Bradley]

Dear Parent,
Search for a good local teen counselor as you would a carpenter or hair stylist. Ask as many folks as you can for names, particulalrly folks who deal with teens a lot (school counselors, pediatricians, juvenile police officers, PTA/PTO officers, and so on) and folks who raise teens (AKA "parents"). Often you'll find other parents who have already done that search but don't like to advertise that their teen needed help at some point. They will often open up to another scared parent who admits that her son is struggling and asks for that help.
Good luck and don't quit.

[Mrs. P]

I do not know what to do with my son, I do not want him to live in my house, as he continues to use drugs. He is 16. What are my options?

[Mike Bradley]

Dear Parent,
First, in most (likely all) states it is illegal to force a 16-year-old out of your house, and doing so could be seen as child neglect/endangerment on your part. Beyond that there are many other reasons to not do that, the best being that as an involved parent you can do much more to save your son's life than anyone else. I'm sure you're exhausted and angry right now, but it is critical that you not let those feelings push a decision you could regret for a lifetime. Your next step is to contact whatever child services agencies you have in your area to see what help they can offer. Often there are folks around to coach you through these crises in ways that avoid the risk of your child dying (as might happen if you just lock him out). You have much more power than you likely know to help get your kid back on track. Please move quickly to get yourself some help to help your son, and remember that this is just one terrible chapter in your lives, a chapter that could be followed by a wonderful ending if you can find the strength to keep fighting.
Good luck.

[Mrs. P]

Dr. Mike,
Our son is totally disregarding us.
We ask him to come home at a certain time, he doesnt
We ask him to respond on his phone he doesnt
he walks in the house whenver he decides
He is out of control and has no regard or respect for us
We have been trying to use the efforts put forth in your book
When he doesnt come home, do you suggest calling the police to bring him home?
You say I am responsible for him as he is 16, however, how can I be responsible when he wont listen?
I am almost out of my wits, I have been trying to give him hope and love, nothing seems to work..
help!

[Mike Bradley]

Dear "Mom"
As I mentioned prviously you need to get a professional involved here to obtain a full history and background in order to safely advise you on your next steps. Please try the options I noted before (finding a psychologist to "coach" you, contacting local child services agencies, and so on).
Good luck.

[Mrs. P]

Dr Mike,
Thank you for insisting on getting help, we reached out to the school counselors today. We are praying this will help.
Finding a professional to help you is very difficult, as you don't know where to start to look for one.
I am certain it is the drugs that are bringing us to this point.
I really don't know how to get him off the drugs, I know he will need to find new friends, and that seems to be out of the question for him. I know He will not succeed unless he does.
He just wants to do whatever he wants, when he wants, he thinks he 21.

[Esprit]

Mrs. P.,

As a parent that's been through a lot, I think it's great that you reached out to the school counselors, but want to caution you that you will need them and a therapist in the community. I think it will be easier than you think. Ask the school counselors for recommendations, or call your local mental health center and ask for a therapist skilled in drug and alcohol abuse. You can also call any drug and alcohol treatment program in your community and ask for referrals/recommendations. The school counselors will already have connections with agencies such as these. You son needs a counselor and you guys need one too. Substance abuse affects the whole family and everyone has to be on the same page in order to make progress. Also re -read the parts of Dr. Bradley's book that are about not personalizing behaviors. Sometimes it helps to visualize your son little, or before this happened if need be. But the focus has to be the love you have for your child and that you have to guide him through no matter how he is acting. He's still really young and hopefully when you have as many helpers as you can possibly find in the picture he'll move through some of this and be on a better course. Consistancy is key and speaking from the heart about how much you care about him. You must find a professional, no matter what, and no matter the cost, as believe me, that piece is super easy compared to what it will be if you don't. If you don't it will not only be difficult, it will be devastating. Assessment is critical so that you know for sure what you are dealing with and if it is substance related, or just typical teen behavior or a combination of both. Without a professional helping us every step of the way, I don't believe any of us would have made it through my son's addiction so, again I apologise as I feel very strongly about this. Contacting the school counselors is huge and hopefully will begin a postive forward momentum!