Wants to be just like her older sister
My 15 year old daughter, Mel, seems to be trying to be just like her older sister. Her sister, Kat, was always a handful and moved away from me when she was 17. Shes 19 now and seems to be doing ok, though still untamable. Kat was a terror to raise and I still dont like her being around because she isnt the greatest influence on Mel. A few weeks ago there was a family celebration for the girls father and I overheard Mel and Kat talking. Kat was showing off a brand that her current boyfriend had given her and Mel was talking about one. Kat agreed to set it up. Kat also isnt shy about her participation in BDSM and will show up at family gatherings bruised, scratched up, and otherwise looking like she's been in a car wreck. I've also heard both girls talking about this and Kat explains everything in great detail. Mel was trying to get away with dating a 19 year old a while ago, with the reason that "Kat's boyfriend is older". Not only is he older, he's 53. She's picked Mel up at school and spent the day with her when Mel should be in class, has given Mel several piercings and apparently given some of her attitude as well. I dont know what to do about this, I dont want Mel turning from the sweet girl she is into a nightmare but I also dont want to make Kat an outcast.
This is one of those extremely delicate political crises that can occur with sibs. You must do something, but if you reach too far you could push Mel into Kat's unsafe arms.
I'd start by asking to meet with Mel with a counselor, saying that you want top be sure that Mel has a mediator there to stop "Mom from being, you know, a 'mom'" with lectures and such. There I'd start by gently raising your concerns and trying to see what Mel's views really are. Part of her is likely attracted to the insanity, but another part likely wants you to step in to protect her. From then on, gradually raise the level of control over her access to Kat depending upon Mel's response, always leading and ending with the phrase "I love you too much to let you get hurt like that." I'd also have a chat (or have an attorney send a letter to) Kat, stating that her interference with Mel must end or you will pursue whatever legal means available (such as a complaint of "corrupting the morals of a minor") to protect Mel. Kat may use Mel as "paybacks" to you. Also look to other female "mentors" (well-liked relatives, neighbors and so on) who might chat with Mel about this.
Please keep us posted.
Dr. Mike Bradley