Advice about a teenage guest

[Entlover]

Just looking for some thoughts:
I have a 15 year old girl at home, & an 18 year old son who's living at his friend's house, couldn't follow our rules so he left.
Meanwhile, son's girlfriend who is now 17 was thrown out of her house by her mother, to protect her from an abusive older (adult) brother who rules the roost. We've allowed her to stay with us for the last several weeks, and helped her get into school and counseling.
She resents us because she feels like she "has" to stay with us, doesn't speak unless spoken to, spends every weekend with her mother (when brother is away) & only spends weeknights with us as a place to stay for safety. Her mother may have some developmental delay issues, not quite sure why she can't step up and take care of her child but this girl has really fallen through the cracks, been out of school for several years & allowed to run wild.
She also spends nights with girlfriends, but won't tell us their names or addresses, says it's ok with her mother. Our house rule is we have to know where & with who she spends the night, or I call the police. I spoke to her mother the last time & she said not to call the police.But I told the girl that the next time she's AWOL I will report her as a runaway.
I am concerned for her safety if I ask her to leave, but worried for the example for my daughter if she stays. She is working with a group advocating for homeless kids, who plan to help her get back with her family, but I'm not allowed to talk with her counselor due to the HIPPA laws. (The girl won't give her permission.)
I need an objective eye on the situation. Everyone says push her out, but she says her mother won't allow her to come home since the brother was verbally & physically abusive, & she has nowhere else to go but sleep in the parks. (This situation reminds me of the movie Precious, if you've seen it you know the teenager was very rude & dysfunctional, because she was treated like dirt so she knew no better. I know this girl won't change overnight, but am hoping that some of our example of courtesy will stick with her, and at least we've gotten her into school & some help.)

[amimom]

Just looking for some thoughts:
I have a 15 year old girl at home, & an 18 year old son who's living at his friend's house, couldn't follow our rules so he left.
Meanwhile, son's girlfriend who is now 17 was thrown out of her house by her mother, to protect her from an abusive older (adult) brother who rules the roost. We've allowed her to stay with us for the last several weeks, and helped her get into school and counseling.
She resents us because she feels like she "has" to stay with us, doesn't speak unless spoken to, spends every weekend with her mother (when brother is away) & only spends weeknights with us as a place to stay for safety. Her mother may have some developmental delay issues, not quite sure why she can't step up and take care of her child but this girl has really fallen through the cracks, been out of school for several years & allowed to run wild.
She also spends nights with girlfriends, but won't tell us their names or addresses, says it's ok with her mother. Our house rule is we have to know where & with who she spends the night, or I call the police. I spoke to her mother the last time & she said not to call the police.But I told the girl that the next time she's AWOL I will report her as a runaway.
I am concerned for her safety if I ask her to leave, but worried for the example for my daughter if she stays. She is working with a group advocating for homeless kids, who plan to help her get back with her family, but I'm not allowed to talk with her counselor due to the HIPPA laws. (The girl won't give her permission.)
I need an objective eye on the situation. Everyone says push her out, but she says her mother won't allow her to come home since the brother was verbally & physically abusive, & she has nowhere else to go but sleep in the parks. (This situation reminds me of the movie Precious, if you've seen it you know the teenager was very rude & dysfunctional, because she was treated like dirt so she knew no better. I know this girl won't change overnight, but am hoping that some of our example of courtesy will stick with her, and at least we've gotten her into school & some help.)

I think you are doing the right thing and I would continue to do the same. Hold the line on her safety. Does she
have a cell phone so you can check in with her? My 17-year-old son will readily text me so I can communicate
with him without the intrusion of him having to take a "Call from My Mom."

If you do end up calling the police if she goes AWOL, maybe it would be a good thing to shed some light on her
birth family situation with local law enforcement. It sounds really bad.

I admire you for helping this girl. These kids need our help. I hope you find some peace and some counseling
for yourself.

Good luck, Amimom