Loser boyfriend problem

[admin]

[Posted for user by Admin]

This year, I have been having problems with my 19 yr old daughter. I am happy I picked up your book....... It has been an absolute blessing to me. Thank you! Ive read it over & over & over again. Basically the problem is that my daughter started hanging around with a bozo 5 1/2 years older.

This bozo has absolutely nothing going for him.... he doesnt even work. Yes, he has all the time in the world to do nothing..... but bother my daughter. Sandra is in College. She use to be so full of life, ambition & dreams..... She had lots of friends & was happy.

Now, this bozo seems to have taken total control over her & I am very scared. She has lost all her sparkle for life. She is always angry & unhappy. She is always ready to fight with me. She is very sarcastic about everything I do. She has dropped all her friends, even a very special fellow that she wanted to marry. Everything has changed about her. She doesnt even like her
favourite foods anymore. She has lost a lot of weight & always looks pale & fragile. I am very worried...... Of course she wont listen to me..... I have even tried writting letters & sending e-mails.

Doc, I dont want to see her wreck her life & her health. This bozo is real bad news & is dragging her down. Why cant she see this? You wouldnt believe what he has been able to talk her into. Id like to see him dissappear real fast. What can you advise? ... Im hurting a lot ......

Liz

[Mike Bradley]

Dear Liv,
You might want to get a book called "But I Love Him" by Jill Murray. It explains these abusive (abuse comes in many flavors), controlling relationships that many women get caught up in.
In the meantime, bide your time and tongue. Understand that anything you say that appears critical of Mr. Wonderful will only make your daughter more wedded to him. Try involving him more in your home. Invite him to family dinners, socials, etc. Let her see him more in the light of day as compared to other, more positive people. If you forbid the relationship, then he becomes a martyr to her, and even more attractive. Let her know (with short, dispassionate statements) that you worry for her, but stay as neutral as possible regarding bozo. If you can skillfully wait him out, his grating characteristics will start to wear on her.
Good luck!
Dr. Bradley